Taken for Granted

You know those muscles and bones that you never think about UNTIL. . . That's right, until you hurt them and they LOUDLY declare their position within your body.

OUCH! I hate when I push myself too hard and those obscure, glad-their-there, albeit, out of sight out of mind body parts start whinnnnnning.

Well, that's what happened to yours truly. My best day of drag racing ended abruptly when I over exerted myself at just the right wrong moment. On the downhill. In a BAD pair of shoes. Oops! Can I get a rewind on that? Please?

This little bone, or ligament or whatever it is in my foot is talking to me. And I have to listen because if I don't, then the temper tantrum begins and things get harder and harder to negotiate. Then you find yourself like the bedraggled mother in the store flinging candy and toys at her unruly children in an attempt to just SILENCE the wailing and tugging and crying.

Hopefully, I can settle the matter rather quickly with sound medical advice, a little x-ray help, and a bit of rest. That doesn't mean the exercise doesn't continue. No, just because Drag racing is out for a bit, there's always the slow torture of crunches, lunges, and push-ups. See you at dawn.

Attitude Determines Altitude

My high school english teacher had a poster in her room that said, "Attitude Determines Altitude," cliche I know, but so true!

I've decided that the 'cryptic' happenings in my life would be much easier to deal with if I first dealt with myself. I need to change my attitude. I want to be happier, more content, more loving. So, I have to do before I can be.

My attitude of...

- things don't change will now be what can I contribute to make it different.

- the words always or never will be replaced with more truthful expressions. Always and Never suck HOPE out of daily living.

- I've tried everything I can (so, now I'm giving up) will be replaced by I want this very badly. I will do what I must to make it happen.

- I'm putting out more than I'm getting will be replaced by acknowledgement of what I am given and less on what I'm giving.

What kind of attitude changes in your way of being would improve your altitude?

1 step forward 2 steps backward

Sometimes life feels like you're the wrong way on an escalator. You're working at trying to get to the "ideal" and then drama happens. Emotions run rampant. The wrong words whiz around like mortar shells hitting targets and bystanders alike. Chaos. The effort to keep moving up the ever decending steps is tough! But....it is possible to beat the cycle of resistence.

We've all seen someone do it or actually done it ourselves, fight the escalator and get past the negative pull. Physically, I can do it. Emotionally, it's much, much more difficult for me to do. I'm determined to be stronger this time around. I'm going to succeed. I have to succeed.

You may feel like I've been overly cryptic in my posts of late. I don't mean to be elusive. It's just that sometimes it's easier to accept a thing when we put a different spin on it. I'm working hard on some tough emotional stuff right now, I need a spin doctor to work some magic.

Until I find the right combinations of resolutions, durations, and patience I have to angle things a bit. Hang in there, dear reader, Tootsie is going to keep on keeping on! One day soon, I hope, I'll have more "things of good report" to write about.

When words just won't do

As a wordsmith I feel I have a good grasp of how to convey a message through vocal or written word. However, there are times when words just won't do. They complicate things. They muddy the water. Today, I had an experience where something besides words was necessary.

God gave us one mouth and two ears. Think maybe He wanted us to do more listening than talking? I listened today. Then I thought. Then I prayed. I prayed that Heavenly Father would tenderly and in His Almighty Way handle the subject.

It was a wrestle with God. I was entrusted to privileged information and vowed to share it with no one. I shared it with God. I asked Him to hold it for me. I am too afraid that without His help, I will screw things up! God allowed my heart to ache for my loved one. He allowed me to cry for this soulmate of mine. Then He brought peace into my heart, into my soul.

I know He will take care of my friend. I KNOW He will! I know that I can go to Him and ask for guidance as I support my loved one. I will go to Him because this is definitely a time I need Him to guide me. His guidance of my words and actions is necessary, for my words just won't do.

To my friend, I have asked Heavenly Father to carry this burden for me. His willingness to do this allows me to continue to offer my love, support and my two ears, two arms for hugs, too. I love you. I always will. I am here for you. Most of all, He loves you, always will and He will never fail you. Seek Him, Follow Him, and Trust Him.

Man vs. Machine

My brother and I went running this morning. Big brother, BB, helped me go about a mile today. Considering I can't remember the last time I exercised, that's pretty good! He has this plan. I think this is a plan I can live with for a bit.

BB says that if we run for 30 seconds and then abruptly stop and try to lower our heart rate with deep breaths for 30 seconds, we will work harder and burn more fat. He had a good analogy I want to share. Two women were out walking, sharing the road with us. He said they were like cars on the interstate. They have a constant speed and go for the long haul. This is most fuel efficient, doesn't wear and tear on a vehicle as much as say..... DRAG RACING.

Yes, BB, said that our running, stopping routine was like a car drag racing. We burn up fuel going fast and then stopping. We still go the distance of the interstate walkers, it just takes more energy getting there. To quote, BB, "unlike a car that will eventually break down under these conditions, our bodies break down only to become stronger."

Well, it was something like that. It sounded better when BB said it at 5:30 a.m. as I was huffing and puffing on a 30 second break. It was either the awesomeness of the phrase or the enormous exertion that caused me to see stars. No, really, I was seeing stars before we finished! Yikes, I have a loooooonnnnnnnggggggg way to go. Every journey begins with a single step. My journey began at dawn.

It felt good to be outside when the mercury is below 90, the sun new in the sky. I'm off to bed so I can greet the morning sun. I want to welcome in the new day... drag racing style!

Sunny Saturdays & Sundays

Working in a windowless office 8-10 hours a day, five days a week means limited enjoyment of the sun. Basically, I get outside to enjoy the sun at lunch when I need to thaw out from the 'icebox' I call an office.

Then, I drive home as the sun dips in the western horizon and get to work on dinner, errands, and unwinding. Before long, the sky has dimmed and darkness envelopes the warm sky. It is nice to go out in the dark and feel the warm air. But few things compare to feeling the warm air, while looking at a clear blue sky and all things alight and bright from the sunshine.

This is why I love Saturdays and Sundays. I selfishly sleep in on these days, just so I can see the golden rays in my bedroom while I'm snuggled warmly in bed next to Mr. Website. I love those moments! I have all day to be out in the sunshine, whether it's working in the yard, going to a park, or walking to church on Sunday morning.

I can enjoy the sun, of course I have to have the SPF protection, with it's warm sunshiny rays on my skin. I love where I live! I moved here from a rainy spot of God's green earth solely for the arid, sun- parched earth, with beaming skys. I enjoy 300+ days of sunshine per rotation around the sun!

I gotta run! The weekend sunshine is calling me....

Something to Snuggle

My brother and sister-in-law are in town and tonight I watched their eight month old baby boy. All was great after they left to go to dinner. We played with a toy, rolled around on the floor and I sang primary songs to him.

Well, that all abruptly came to a halt. The crying began. I started going through all the usual things like food, diaper, snuggling with a bottle, walking/bouncing trying to soothe his wailing.

I am very rusty at motherhood. I've never actually been a mother; but I nannied my sister's two little ones for nearly a year. I feel like I know what to do. Well, I did, anyway.

Tonight I realized something. Mothers really do have a keen knowledge of their baby and baby's needs. Mothers don't get an owners manual with the delivery of their offspring. No, they have to learn it, hone the skill, and tweak it with each child. It is a craft. An art that must be practiced. A skill that takes perfecting. I have a goal now. To rediscover the art of mothering within me.

I believe that women are innately given a gift of nurturing, soothing, and caring. Some women shun it, others embrace it early on, some stumble onto in the beginning stages of motherhood. I was given an opportunity to practice with my sister's two kids. It's just been too long and I lost my skill. I guess you could say, I'm a little wobbly on the 'baby' bicycle.

You may be wondering how I calmed down my nephew enough to have this epiphany. My sister in law had wisely left out his 'blankey' for me to use. I spotted it, grabbed it, and held it close to my temporary ward. He grabbed on, snuggled it, and calmed right down, quickly falling fast asleep. While I held this sleeping infant in my arms, his little body still 'hiccupping' the sobs, I thought about the blanket.

That's when the epiphany came.

Aren't 'blankeys' just the best?

We both found something to snuggle.

I

Power of Words

Today I've been thinking more than talking. I can't seem to find the right words to express what's in my heart. Words really are powerful! With a word one can share truth, love, wisdom. Like a double-edged sword, words can cut, sting, and injure. I want to identify some of the most powerful phrases in my dialogue.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you. I need you.

Will you help me? Can I help you?

Thank you. You are welcome.

Simple words. Words we try to teach children, as we teach them 'manners'. Really, though, isn't it the power of the simple word that moves people to love, trust, learn and endure?

I think so.

What powerful phrases are in your dialogue?

Acrostically Speaking

Irritating. Oh, so irritating!

Nerve racking, on my last nerve...

Sleep depriving. Oxymoronic exhausted restlessness!

Ornery... Comes most inconveniently.

Mind numbing, dreadful, dreadfully dreadful!

Nap Inducing. Only the NEXT day.

Inconsistent. See Ornery.

Awake. Why am I still awake!?!

This acrostic prose is dedicated to all the fellow fatigue friends within insomnia's grasp. May you know that as you sit reading this in the dark a.m. hours, there are others who, like you, suffer for want of elusive, somnolent dreams.

My insomniac friends, I sincerely wish for you sweet slumber, delicious dreams and zealous zzzzzzzzzz's.

Keeping things alive

I have plants, flowers and trees that I try to keep alive. I live in desert country and it isn't an easy job keeping things green and flourishing. I realized shortly after marriage when pregnancy was elusive that I wanted to have something to nurture.  

So, I started growing a green thumb. 

It isn't green yet.  It's like a bluish purple. 

My plants struggle to survive. The trees wilt. My flowers shine in all their beauty for as long as they can and then succumb to lifeless, limp leavage awaiting the mulch pile.  

I mourn each loss. Especially the garden I tried to grow last fall. THAT was SAD! 

It's pitiful going to the nursery and picking out my new adoptees knowing that they may very likely end up being my next gardening victims.  

But, alas, I plant, err... press, on.

UV Protection 100

Skin cancer runs in the family. I've already had some removed. I really should stay out of the sun. It's just so hard to do. I love the sun! I need the sun! But in order to be out enjoying the sun and the lovely heat rays on my skin, I have to be protected.

I bought a product that has a SPF rating of 100. Too bad it only comes in a small tube. I would love to have a vat of it to swim in so I could lay on a float in the pool and relive the good ol' days of summer swim siestas.  A good book, acool drink, sunglasses, and the floating sensation in the cool, clorinated water. No, now as  a 30 something, I have to be worried about the sun and the effects of exposure on my skin. 

So, I don't take the book, I swim laps, and I avoid the 11am-2pm times so as to avoid the most potent rays. It's the grown up version of summer swim siestas. Every summer I understand just a little more what all the adults in my childhood were murmuring about the 'good ol'days of lazy summers'.  

Aughhhh, to be a kid again!

Word Junkie

I'm a word junkie!

It's true, I love words. I love books. I love to read. I love to WRITE.  There's something amazing about taking words that are in your head and heart and putting them out for others to see.  Sure, one can talk while others listen; though, the written word is lasting, solid, available for re-veiwing.

I have a collection of dictionaries.  It's true. I own about 10 of them now and I want to keep adding to my plethora of lexicons. Why? I want one in every room and several in my library. Yes, I have a room lined with books and I call it the library.  

In college, my roommates laughed when I kept a paperback dictionary in my kitchen cupboard. Well, how many times did I come home to find it on the kitchen table next to someone else's homework.  Who's laughing now?!?  Yes, even the kitchen needs a dictionary!

Mr. Website bought me an electronic handheld game that has only word games on it!  I LOVE IT!  It's really hard for me to put it down.  What's the 12 step program look like for a recovering word junkie?  You know what? I don't want to know.  I rather like my addiction.

Tears

Today there were tears.   Too many tears.   The kind of tears that lead to puffy eyelids in the morning.  

Sometimes tears are good.  The good tears are the ones that express happiness, relief. The best kind of 'good tears' are the ones that 'wash' away pain, give voice to those feelings thicker than words. You know the ones I mean, the feeelings that get stuck somewhere between your heart and your head.

Then there are the tough tears. These are the ones that don't bring answers, relief and only speak of saddness. You know the ones that come after a pain, physical or emotional.  These tears can be confusing, frustrating, down right messy.  It's usually these tears that flow like busted waterworks. They don't just go away, you have to get to the root of the problem, maul it over in your mind, find a place to put it.

My tears were the latter; however, I found a place for my problem. I'm taking it to God. He knows how much I want to love and be loved. So, I'm giving it all to God. He will give me the experiences He wants me to have and I will ask Him to help me carry on with what I am given.  

My eyes are dry. My heart is light knowing that I sincerely tried to love and be loved today. It's time to put this tired body, weary mind, and tender heart to bed. I'll be crossing my fingers that the puffy eyes don't find me.

Daughter of God

It is my theological belief that my spirit is a literal offspring of God, and as such I am a daughter of God. He is my Heavenly Father. Without my spirit my body would only be a cold, lifeless shell.  So, my life, comes from God. My parents gave me my physical body, God gives me my life.

Last night, I met with some sisters in my ward. We do this each month. We call it Visiting Teaching. Well, the spiritual devotional message was on prayer. I love this topic of the gospel. It's more an action of gospel living.  Think about. Prayer is so simple a child can do it, yet there is such power and magnificience in prayer.  

God hears prayers. God answers prayers. God loves those who come to Him in faith. How do I know this?  God has heard my prayers and given me peace, answers, and comfort.  This strengthens my faith, leading to more prayer; more prayer leads to more blessings.  That's the overwhelmingly beautiful thing about Heavenly Father, you can never get ahead!  Just when you think, I've repaid Him for all the blessings He has given me, He gives more.

These blessings come in various sizes, packages, and ways. You see, it's not all sunshine and roses, but with God hearing and answering prayers, He gives me shelter in the rain and understands when the thorny thickets hurt my flesh.  I know that God isn't giving me the special treatment.  He does this with all of His children.  All who live on this earth or who have ever lived are His children.  He loves all His children, even those who don't know Him, or worse, don't love Him.

God strengthens me. My faith. My sense of worth. My desire to love. All because He first loved me.  God be thanked for His matchless love.

Tired Footsies

Little Mrs. Tootsie went shopping today. 

Nothing really amazing about it. Except that I was wearing high heeled shoes. Now, I haven't worn these foot torturing devices outside of church and special occassions for the past 2 years. It's really brutal walking around in them!

Soon, I'll be re-entering the professional workplace.  This means dress shoes. Now, being that I'm a 30-something woman, I hang on to the notion that sensible shoes are B-O-R-I-N-G.  

No, when I want to look professional or sharp, I go for the stylin' and profilin' footwear. Well, vanity has it's price; in this case, it cost sore feet!

Mr. Website will be happy I was wearing these foot foes. Why? Less shopping = More $$$ saved.

Dots and Stripes

Last Christmas, my sibling family decided to do a 'homemade' christmas exchange. I had a niece and nephew to give to. They live far from me and in an effort to be their favorite "Aunt Tootsie". I decided to make them personalized stationery boxes.  You know, the gift that keeps on giving, especially to Aunt Tootsie's mailbox.

I found unfinished wood photo boxes at the craft store. With a little paint and a lot of paper, stamps, and envelopes, they soon morphed into personalized stationery boxes!  Then I thought, why not do this for each of my nieces and nephews?  So, the birthday gift of 2009 was born!

The boys get striped boxes with lots of boy themed stationery. The girls get polka dotted boxes with girly themed stationery.  It's been fun to get letters in the mail written in children's handwriting.  I love sending letters filled with loving words and humorous jokes back to these precious kids. 

I am a lucky woman! I get to be a pen pal to 13 nieces and nephews!