Finding Joy in the Journey

I started a post that mentioned my need to find a way to nurture in my childless state. I don't know why I didn't finish it, it mentioned some things that I enjoyed doing with my time.

From sometime in early 2015:
I have struggled the last few weeks trying to figure out what I want to fill my time and my heart with now that I definitely will not be a mother. I thought about going back to work full-time but that just doesn't appeal to me because I love all the service I am able to give during the day. Whether I am helping my sister with her little ones, helping someone in the 12 step program or attending the temple (these are just three of my favorite things to do with my time) I love having the time and energy to do those things. So for now, I'll keep my very part-time job (it's more like quarter time) working with elementary kids teaching them how to draw. I LOVE my job! It is the perfect side of teaching. All the fun without all the headache.

So back to my need to nurture. What do I do?

I still do these things but I've added painting to my list. It started with oil paints and I found that I am not patient enough to wait for it to dry and the clean up was a hassle. I moved on to watercolor and found that I feel trapped by the fact that it can't be covered over or erased. Acrylic painting is where I find my creative outlet. I have a room that is beach themed, I live in the desert so it's more of a "dream" room rather than going with the local landscape. I have painted several pictures of the waves, the water, the sand. It's tricky but the ability to paint over a canvas and start new gives me confidence to just keep trying.

I am not a perfect artist and my paintings are self taught and thanks to YouTube getting better. But you know what? I perfectly love my ability to create and express myself. That's all that matters, that I find joy in what I'm doing. Maybe others may look at my life and wonder why I do or don't do the things I do or don't do. I've learned that judging myself on another's yard stick is a good way to feel sad, frustrated or disappointed. Life gives us enough of these moments without our needing to concoct them. So, I judge myself on my own yard stick. I have had some conversations recently that I have used to motivate me to be a bit better in my personal goals at home.   Now, I've only just begun and as you can tell by this blog I am good at starting things and not so good on the follow up. But, I'm committed to trying every day to keep the clutter under control. It sure does get away from you if you aren't careful.

So, do we find joy in our things or in the things we are doing because that's what we are "supposed" to have or do as society says? Do we find ourselves doing them but feeling miserable and frustrated and jealous of other's lives?  I'd like to think I'm getting better at finding joy in my very unique journey.

Also, I made a promise to write more and that was in 2014! So, because I don't like making promises I can't keep, I will not be promising the same; rather I'd like to thank my readers for sticking with me. Until next time.....