Gratitutde: THE gift

I have a wall hanging that says, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." When I think of the gifts that I've been given or have given to others, I think the greatest gift we can give one another is gratitude. Saying the words, "Thank You" are so simple, yet it's not as often heard in this day of entitlement. Starting today, I'm going to open my eyes to the numberless times I should show gratitude and then I'm going to open my mouth and say, "thank you". It's the gift that gives both the giver and the receiver that warm, loving feeling. The only other gifts I can think of that does this are: hugs, forgiveness, and service. In this season of giving, (and by default, receiving) let us remember to give a gift in return to those who love us, forgive us, serve us. Give THE gift of gratitude.

Dear reader: thank you for your gift of reading and appreciating my blog. I don't write often enough, but when I do, I have you in mind. Thank you for allowing me to share some of my most personal feelings with you. I love you. Merry Christmas! May your New Year of 2011 be full and favorable! Love, Tootsie

Patient or Patience

"You're waiting on a miracle" my doctor replies.
I nod through my tears, wiping at my eyes.
He gives me a referral to a specialist doc,
I leave his office numb from the shock.

"I need to talk to you," I text my Dear.
Dreadfully I share what we don't want to hear.
Our lunch is spent in tears and embrace.
My heart aches, longs to erase

The long, lonely years of empty arms.
The painful smiles and put on charms
For others more fortunate and blessed.
Who got their baby with little distress.

The comments and suggestions unsolicited came.
The painful remarks, pointed fingers of blame.
The ignorant and uneducated speaking "wise"
All these and more brought tears to my eyes.

Now I stand at a moment of choice.
I sit and pray quietly, seeking His voice.
I pray for His comfort and strength
To guide me down this path of great length.

He will not fail me, He will not leave me.
Thou I must not doubt, I put my faith in Thee.
Give me Hope as I try to know Thy Will.
Patient or Patience, in my motherhood quest to fulfill.

Magic Ears

I got Magic ears this weekend! No, I didn't get Mickey ears or any ears at Disneyland.

I got Oticon Agil hearing aids! I was born with a hearing loss and after my last pair broke a couple of months ago I've been wanting to get some that are Bluetooth capable. Let me tell you some of my hearing friends and family have said they want a pair after hearing the cool things I can do.

Here's brief description of what I can do:

With the streamer a tiny instrument the size of the iPod nano hanging around my neck, I can talk on the telephone with the phone in my pocket and no have to remove my hearing aid for a traditional headset. I hear it through my hearing aids!

Techy Toostie can listen to her iPod without earbuds.

I can tune into the TV at my desired volume and the output others hear is at their comfort level.

I can tune in to the movie theater.

I have the capability to turn into FM frequencies.


The ear pieces are clear and the piece that wraps behind my ear is the color of my blonde hair. I've never been self conscience of my hearing aids because function is more important to me than fashion.

I'm still "playing" with my new electronic gadgets. I'm so happy. I wanted to tell all my dear readers that Christmas came early for Tootsie.

Love you all. Happy and hearing. Tootsie.

For those who know

To my readers who know: today's been a really good day! Thank you for your love and prayers. Hugs, Toostie

One of my avid fans mentioned how much they missed my posts. I must admit I've missed my writing muse. I think today's post will be dedicated to a beautiful niece who sent me a beautiful thank you for a series I introduced her to. She loves to read! Aunt Tootsie couldn't be happier about that! If I could only have one hobby. It would be reading. Thank you sweet niece for your sincere gratitude and for your maturity beyond your age when you explained how you were sharing the legacy of the series with another. I can't tell you how many books you will read that will be life changing. I've come up with a few of my very favorite.

The Book of Mormon
The Pearl of Great Price
The Miracle of Forgiveness
Jesus the Christ
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Alchemist
The Hidding Place
Is Chelsea going blind?
The Places You'll Go
Ender's Game

What makes your favorite list?

Summer is Splendid

I love summer! I love the heat of the desert! I love the fruits and vegetables that are so plentiful! I love being in the sunshine! The pool! The outdoors! This is a wonderful time and I'm embracing it! I just wanted to share my excitement with my readers!

They haven't tried the obvious

This is probably one of the few times you will read Tootsie's opinion on world matters. I have a deep love for the Gulf Coast particularly Pensacola, Florida. I love that beautiful, peaceful place. In the five years I lived in Florida this place brought happiness, peace, pensive moments and for a time, romance. It pains my heart to think that it may not be the beautiful, white sugar beaches of "squeaky" sand. I love explaining to others unfamiliar with this soft, soothing, luxurious sand that the grains of sand are rounded and thus "squeak" when walked upon. Sure, it sticks to you like sugar, and like sand universally, ends up in places that are uncomfortable, (read eyes and bathing suits) but oh the beauty of this beach!

The tragic accident of April 20 has forever altered the lives of countless individuals. My heart goes out to all who lost loved ones, lost livelihoods, and land. In all the news of how to stop the continuous flow of oil from the floor of the Gulf, they haven't mentioned the one thing that just might work.

Prayer.

To those who scorn my "naivety" I say, God created this earth. He controls it.

This nation "under God" was founded by men who believed in a Supreme being. I believe that all men have the right to worship how, where or what they may. I believe in God the Father. He created all things and all things are in His control.

If the people of this nation would humble themselves and admit that they alone can not stop the flow of oil from this broken well; perhaps God would grant the prayers of the righteous who want the livelihood and loveliness of the Gulf Coast to be spared, healed where damage has been done, and thrive once more.

I've been praying that those working on this problem would be inspired that they would find success if God willed it. I think it's time for the people of this nation to raise their voices to God and admit that they can't do this thing alone. God wants those who follow Him to be humble. We of this nation know disaster and hopelessness, yet we've selfishly left God out of our solutions. We don't want to invite Him to help us because then we just might find ourselves indebted to Him. We might have to let go of our selfish tendencies. We might have to admit to ourselves that we are nothing without Him.

It pains me as the days go by that there has not been a call to pray. I know that there are many in the Gulf Coast states who are praying, they too, believe as I believe that God does hear and answer prayers. I know this because I've seen the strength of these faithful individuals. It is time that those in position of leadership humble themselves and organize a day of prayer. A day of humility before the God of this earth. A day of uniting and praying that He will stop the flow.

Perhaps He won't. Perhaps the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth wills otherwise.

There will be those among the unbelievers and weak-hearted believers that will jeer and jest at my suggestion and even the possible failure of such a proposal of prayer.

But to all the God-fearing, God-loving people who believe as I do, I ask, "What is the harm in trying?" Sure, the answer may be no. But God will know those who humbled themselves before Him. We will know that we tried to humble ourselves, petitioning for His help. We will know that we stood for what was right among the unbelievers.

To all my fellow believers, it does not matter to me the name of the Supreme being you pray to, He is the same. I ask you, please let us humble ourselves and make it known that we wish to invite God into the solution. I pray that He will hear and answer our collective prayer, that the beauty and liveliness of the Gulf will be spared further harm. But this I KNOW, I would be wrong if I did not ask Him to control this situation that has been out of control for too long. If you feel this is wrong or against your code of beliefs, then don't worry about it. It's just words to you. If you feel that this is right, please join me in this prayer. It can't hurt and God willing, it might help.

I'm happy to report

I think Mr. Website Guy is a step ahead of me in the doing nice things game. He's been very attentive these past few days. I better get with it!

Day 1

The tiny thing I did for my husband was offer to do some laundry for him.

Tiny Things

It's the little things that make the biggest difference. It's the little acts of kindness each day that mean the most. Conversely, it is the tiny things that we stumble on or carry that keep us from truly loving and giving to others. We can do big grandiose things for those we love, but if we are not attentive to the little things they may not care about that "once a year big thing". Tootsie needs to do some fixing of her ways. She needs to start seeking out those little things in the lives of those she loves and showing how she loves and cares for him and them. I resolve today, to find something that I can do different today than I did yesterday and tomorrow I'll do the same routine. I'll share my efforts in hopes that you'll find ways to do the same for the ones you love.

Holding on

Toostie has been holding on these days. I've been holding on emotionally at times. It's been a challenge but aren't challenges good for us? I'm also guilty of holding on to some not so good things like anger, resentment, self-pity. These types of emotional ball & chain issues are natural challenges we all deal with. However, these are challenges that are extremely unhealthy for us. So, how do I purge the unhealthy challenges? I know that there is only One who has the power to take the challenge and replace it with conviction to do right. He will not pry it from out closed fist. No, we must go to Him and ask that He take what we've already placed at His feet. We have to let go first.

Second, we have to continue in humility and love toward Him. We must ask Him yo forgive us and strengthen us. This becomes the challenge of holding on to our struggle. Our natural man trait is not accustom to holding on in faith to that which is so difficult to identify unless we are still and quiet. He will help. We need only Ask.

Bouncing Back....

Tootsiesroles has been on vacation for too long! I'm ending my hiatus right now. Mind you, I, Tootsie, have not been on vacation, just been distracted from my blogging. I'm here to get back on track...

So, what's new with Tootsie? Well, not much. I did however have the most wonderful time with BB and his amazing family at the "happiest place on earth" aka Disneyland. Wow! That was a FUN time! I can't wait to do it again. :) Thanks BB for letting me tag along.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I'm excited that my Conference edition of the Ensign has arrived. I have two copies, so I can really get into studying, marking, and feasting upon the words of our living prophets. I encourage you to get a copy of the May 2010 Ensign and read and study the messages of April's General Conference. You can get them online too at www.lds.org if you'd like to browse without the paper.

I'll be back again soon. Too long without writing has left my mind and creative talent dull. I'll see if I can't sharpen it up a bit.

My emotional and spiritual reserves have been  improved greatly this weekend. I'm so thankful for the life and love of Jesus Christ.  I hope the joy and miracle of Easter has been strengthened in your heart this holiday weekend. As a Latter-day Saint I feel truly blessed to have listened to the voice of a prophet and many others who were directed by God in their messages.

Clarity in the fog

I reminisced with a coworker about walking to school in the California fog. We were explaining it to another coworker who lived in a place that rarely if ever had fog. It's so strange thinking of fog as water and air. Two things we must have; yet in this situation it causes confusion at best and disasterious wrecks at worst. Well, I'm up in the middle of the night because I'm in a bit of a fog.
I want to be able to make black/white choices but all around me I see only various shades of grey.
I know that there is only One who can show me clarity in this fog. He is the source of peace and rest on this sleepless night. I must say that I look forward with great anticipation and joy for the opportunity to sit at the feet of His prophets and apostles this weekend. I have faith that my questions will be answered. I know that there are others like me anxiously waiting for the spiritual feast that awaits. It is
my prayer that I will come to the feast hungry and prepared to try it all. I know that if I exercise my faith the fog will lift and I will be given direction and determination. So many analogies in life can be made of Him who loves us. On this night, He is the lighthouse in the fog of my mind and heart.

A rarity

I found myself wishing for something few desert rats wish for. . .
HEAT!

See where I live swamp coolers and A/C units run from April to November. Because our winters are mild most don't turn on the heat. That being said, our blood is "thinner" and many of us feel cold during the "winter" months. I froze my dear Mr. Website Guy out all winter so we can turn on the air more often this summer.

Well, at work I was feeling chilly and suddenly I found myself longing for the heat of desert summers. I love the feeling of leaving an air conditioned building and getting into my ovenbaked car and feeling the hot air "prickle" my face. I get to thaw out. Seriously I wear warm clothes in the summer to the office because my liitle office is a box. An icebox. I don't get to ask for a temp change because I'm on one of the main duct for my floor. So I take beaks and go bask inthe beautiful sunshine.

Many of my fellow desert dwellers would say I was crazy for feeling this way and would probably be upset if my wish for early heat came true. It makes me a rarity but hey I'm a rose that blossoms in the desert. I love it! Thanks Mr. website Guy for giving up your dream of working in rainy Redmond, WA. I love you and I love where we live. Thanks.

So, my dear Reader, if you hear my neighbors complaining of an unusually early start to the heat, willyou keep my wish come true a secret? Thanks!

Turning Points

We all have those pivotal moments in life where we see a glimpse of ourselves  through the eyes of another. You know when those around you love you enough to tell you "like it is".  We then have a choice. We can evaluate and confirm or we can bristle and deny. I think the moment we do the evaluating we have a moment called a "turning point". It's a moment where we can later pinpoint the time of change. 

Toostie's had two turning points of late and a third one recently popped up. The first two were in regard to my weight and my use of certain words. The third was pointed out to me by my boss. After a staff meeting, we all sat around for rare visit filled with laughter and teasing. As I parted from the jovial meeting, my boss said to my coworker, "she's so pretty when she smiles." I returned to deliver a message and was told of the comment. I replied with a thank you and a question. "Do I not smile enough?" I was told I don't.  

So, I've thought about it and I'm going to take action. It'll be conscious effort for a while but just like exercise and eating, and pausing before speaking, it'll get easier with time and will only do me good. If you want to share with Tootsie things that'll make me smile please do. I'll be sure to share with you, too. I hope there will come a time when others say I smile "all the time". We all know someone like that and it's so refreshing. So, what kind of turning points have you had lately?      

Simply Simplify

I spent the weekend building an addition on to my closet. I did this because Tootsie's duds are out of control everywhere in her house. I also went through the closet and decided there are some contents which simply don't belong anymore. They have no place in my life, so off they go to the thrift store. I got to thinking that feels so good, I need to do this in other areas of my house and in my life. I need to simply simplify. What do I need all this baggage for? It's just extra fuel in the tragic event of a house fire. I'm going to slim down. Physically as well as domestically. I think it will help me bulk up spiritually and mentally. That's where the extra stuff really matters. How about you? What do you want to simply simplify in your life? Good luck getting slimmer!

Just checking in...

Dear Readers,

I've been too busy with things that must be done, but really don't matter in the eternal picture. So, I'm going to carve out some time for myself and for you, tomorrow. I'm taking the day off work and getting some much needed "me" things done. Most of it involves the dentist, doctors, errands, and the like, but hey, I've put it off long enough. So, tomorrow I'm going to be searching for something in my world that I can grow pensive about, and then share with you. I love each of you, my readers! I love knowing that someone besides me is getting a smile out of my work. Hugs to all of you, Tootsie

All that Grey Matter

My mind has been a bit 'foggy' these last few days. I'm having trouble remembering things. I'm maxed out on the 10% of the brain power, I 'averagely' use. For those of you who are slightly confused, don't worry, it'll pass.

They say the average person uses only 10% of their brain's capacity. Wow! Only 10%, what's happening with the other 90%? I have no idea!

Today, my grey matter is getting all mixed up with all the usernames and passwords that I have to store. I have too many!!!! I have several for work and the responsibilities that I have there, then I have my personal emails, of which there are five. Yes, five. I need to purge. Then there's banks and credit cards and other entities in the computer world that I have accounts with that all require username and password. Sometimes, it's just a jumbled mess of numbers, letters and "ideas" that are supposed to help me remember why I chose whatever it was I chose. Do you follow me? If so, great! I'm lost.

What I really want to be remembering are the birthdays I forget;the phone numbers I need because my cellphone is dead and I can't call anyone but the operator; the chores and tasks at home and work that I need to follow up on; the dates of appointments and activities. Nope, these things are like butter slicked ideas flying through my grey matter. Very difficult to keep a hold of without the use of a calendar, alarm, and a phone call from a friendly appointment clerk somewhere.

Then you have the stuff that sticks. Yes, it sticks like that nasty rubbery gum under your 11th grade school desk. You know: the song lyrics to a melody that's annoying; the image of something gross or disturbing; or the wrong name for a person you've known for too long to ask the truth of their name. ARGGGGG! That's not anything worth saving!

Our minds are powerful, wonderful, and mystical things. We get information jumbled, garbled, irretriveable and misplaced. We have memories stored, clouded, jaded, treasured. We can't function without our brain; we take it for granted, and we apparently aren't using enough of it. It's time for me to get back to the crossword puzzles I love, the books that cause me to think and the quizzes of vocabulary words and synonyms.

What's filling up your grey matter and what do you want to be filling it up with? Think about it! Pun intended.

Taking the bull by the horns

I have to admit I don't really know the origin or exact meaning of the phrase "taking the bull by the horns". My definition is basically, you just do what you gotta do. Well, I did that this week. Sugar that's my biggest vice. I'm doing pretty good at beating out the cravings and temptations. It's been three weeks now; it's feeling good. No, this week, it was cable. See when Mr. Website Guy and I met I was a busy woman with things to do and accomplish and I made up my mind that I didn't want to have a TV at home because, I'm a self-proclaimed 't.v. junkie' and I wanted to avoid that temptation. Well, for three years we got the disbelieving remarks and shocked expressions from others when we told them that we didn't have a t.v. This was usually the answer when asked if we watched, (insert a sitcom or reality tv episode here) and we of course, had not seen it. Mr. Website Guy is wonderful. He is smart and he works hard for our family. Well, that last two Christmas bonuses he received were spent on bills or savings, you know practical, responsible stuff. Well, this year he said he wanted to "blow it on something fun" so we did and we got a t.v. to play a Wii on and to watch movies on something other than the computer screen. I decided to get cable. After only one week of mind-numbing viewing in my precious evening hours, I decided to end this addiction. I asked M.W.G. to call the cable company and cancel the cable. He said he would, but then I realized, "No. I need to do it. I need to prove I'm stronger than this." So, I did it. When asked why I was canceling by the representative, I told her, "I'm compulsive about watching television and I don't want it." She tried to talk me into basic cable. Nope. I'm done. I'm an "all-or-nothing" kinda gal, which isn't always the best way to be, but hey, I know what I want and don't want and I go after it or I AVOID it. So, I'm empowered now. I can go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for two hours while I get my t.v. fix. Not bad, don't you think, I have to pay a price that will only reap rewards. Well, I know there's got to be something you're hanging on to because it's just so good but may not be good for you, we all have something. So, what do you say, are you up for the challenge? Take the bull by the horns and see just what you can do! I believe in you! Love, Tootsie

Nothing Worth Having

You've heard the phrase, "nothing worth having, comes easy"? Well, I think some poor soul that was struggling to make it big said that. Or just a really great optimist. Think about it.... There are so many things that take HARD work and DEDICATION, SACRIFICE, and ENDURANCE. You have to be optimistic to stick to it when it's just seems no progress is being made. You tell yourself, it's worth it, it's just not easy and you find that thread of will power, that glimmer of hope, the surge of strength to get you through the current hurdle. Well, that's me, every day with my diet and exercise. I just have to keep on keeping on. It's good for my body, my mind, and my soul. So, I'll push myself a little further tomorrow and when the muscles ache and the cravings knock at my will, I'll just say, "I can hold on a little bit longer." What are you working on that's well worth it but certainly not easy? From one fighter to another, I'd like to say, "Hang in there!"

Finding my tail

I was feeling a little Eeore-ish the other day and my wonderful friend and co-worker says, "You lost your tail. You need to find you a new one." So, I resolved to find me a tail! A happy tail. Where do you find tails for Eeores? Well, inside of course!

I'm going to give myself a way out when the frustration and blues come. I'm going to shadow box those blues away. Then, I'll be getting better in more than one way.

As for the happy tail, well, uhmmmm, let's see......I KNOW! "When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost..." I'll COUNT MY BLESSINGS, name them one by one.

The following list is in no way all inclusive:
1. My husband. Being married to your best friend is pretty awesome!
2. Our house. I love where we live and I love that we can be 'creative' with it.
3. Our Family. Both sides of the family have countless blessings, especially those little ones that Aunt Tootsie just loves to "eat".
4. My job. I get to work with two wonderful individuals and I enjoy going to work each day. I feel lucky about that.
5. My life. I may not like Tootsie's rolls right now, but I can't deny the blessing of my health and ability. Besides, one thing that I'm doing is working on the rolls, and that's helping me find a happy tail.
6. Cooking. I love to bring joy to others through my talent in the kitchen.
7. Writing. This is what I'm meant to do and if I really want to keep my "happy tail" I need to finish the story I started!
8. The Gospel. This is where the source of all happiness begins. The times that I take time to really immerse myself, are the times I am most happy and content.
9. The phone. I love my phone. It keeps me sane (games, calendars, etc) and in touch with those I love and need the most.
10. The sunshine. I moved to this dry, warm climate so I could always have the companionship of the center of our solar system. It helps me stay above the clouds.

I love all you dear readers. I'll get back into the writing for it helps me and I like to think it helps you. Happy tail hunting to all you Eeores out there and for those of you Tiggers well, you just keep bouncing on that wonderful tail of yours. Love, Tootsie