Tootsie's Roles

Project: Santa

2011-11-14T18:02:00.001-08:00

I'm so excited for this upcoming holiday season! My wonderful husband and I have been so blessed and the upcoming holidays will give us a great excuse to share our blessings with others. Our stake has been involved in Project Santa this year. Preparing for it has been exciting. We've given time, things, and money to this project and I'm so thankful for the opportunity that we've had to be participants.
The last three years we've done a 12 Days of Christmas to someone and we are in the works of planning this year's sleuth gift giving. I love this time of year! My dear husband has put up with my rebellion of Turkey Feasts and we've used the Thanksgiving weekend to prepare for our holiday gift giving schemes.
Please don't take offense to my avoidance of the Thanksgiving feasting. I LOVE Thanksgiving in principle, family, thankfulness, the kick off of the giving season, but I really don't like the Turkey! The Dressing! The Pumpkin Pie! Substituting food isn't the answer either, so I respectfully bow out and find another way to show my thankfulness. I guess that makes me a bit of a Scrooge, but I hope that my other holiday festivities of stealthily giving gifts makes up for my "Grinch" attitude on Turkey Day.
However, you celebrate T-Day and the wonderful days leading up to the celebration of our Savior's birth, I wish you a VERY wonderful, loving and blessed holiday season. Remember to Christ in Christmas and remember to show Thanks beyond Thanksgiving Thursday. My love to you all! Tootsie

Swimming to Music

2011-06-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

On a happy note, my wonderful husband bought me waterproof audio gear for my swimming exercise. It's great! I can put the ear plugs in and swim to music. It keeps me motivated to keep swimming. Maybe I'll call it "Dorey". Just as in the pool, I need to keep "swimming" in life right now. I'm struggling over a problem and I haven't figured out how to resolve it. Maybe I should go get "Dorey" and head over to the pool. It's amazing the mental clearing I get from swimming laps.

How do you let go?

2011-06-01T15:26:00.000-07:00

I find myself doing this more than I'd like. I hold grudges against myself for dumb things I've done or said or the lack of action when I should have known better. I torment myself with this and even things that I've resolved will haunt me and I am left battle worn in my mind. I've always found it hard to let friendships end on a sour note and I am trying to realize that I can't make anyone stay my friend after I've damaged it. But my problem is letting it all go and moving on. What do you do? I know my actions aren't helping anyone, least of all me so I'm looking for a new way to handle things. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. This problem has driven me to the edge of insanity. I'm open to suggestions.

Ready, Set, Write

2011-03-28T13:53:00.000-07:00

I'm off and running! After a longer than anticipated "hiatus" from my new job as a writer, I am in the comfy chair and sitting in front of the keyboard and screen. I'm super excited! I actually just applied for a food critic position. This would be a fun challenge to my writing skills. Who knows what will come of it, but I feel brave and encouraged. So, my dear reader, I'll be busy writing and walking. I'm walking for the goal of completing the Utah Valley Marathon in June. Yea to my mom, dad and sister, Meric for joining me in this goal of completing a marathon! I will get on here and update you to my progress. Thanks for your support! It means so very much to me!

Family of Two

2011-01-15T14:16:00.000-08:00

I posted a while back that I was trying to find out whether to be a patient or to have patience. Well, after consulting with the specialist, we've accepted that we'll wait on the miracle that only He can give us. For now, we are a family of two.

I love my Savior Jesus Christ for comforting my heart. I love my family and friends who have supported my husband and I in our quest for answers scientific and spiritual. I love my husband for being my strongest supporter, the love of my life and the man that I've needed throughout this ordeal. I know we will weather our wait just fine because we have each other. I know that He will bless us for having faith in His plan and His will for us. I pray that I'll make Him happy with my obedience and endurance.

Gratitutde: THE gift

2010-12-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

I have a wall hanging that says, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." When I think of the gifts that I've been given or have given to others, I think the greatest gift we can give one another is gratitude. Saying the words, "Thank You" are so simple, yet it's not as often heard in this day of entitlement. Starting today, I'm going to open my eyes to the numberless times I should show gratitude and then I'm going to open my mouth and say, "thank you". It's the gift that gives both the giver and the receiver that warm, loving feeling. The only other gifts I can think of that does this are: hugs, forgiveness, and service. In this season of giving, (and by default, receiving) let us remember to give a gift in return to those who love us, forgive us, serve us. Give THE gift of gratitude.

Dear reader: thank you for your gift of reading and appreciating my blog. I don't write often enough, but when I do, I have you in mind. Thank you for allowing me to share some of my most personal feelings with you. I love you. Merry Christmas! May your New Year of 2011 be full and favorable! Love, Tootsie

Patient or Patience

2010-11-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

"You're waiting on a miracle" my doctor replies.
I nod through my tears, wiping at my eyes.
He gives me a referral to a specialist doc,
I leave his office numb from the shock.

"I need to talk to you," I text my Dear.
Dreadfully I share what we don't want to hear.
Our lunch is spent in tears and embrace.
My heart aches, longs to erase

The long, lonely years of empty arms.
The painful smiles and put on charms
For others more fortunate and blessed.
Who got their baby with little distress.

The comments and suggestions unsolicited came.
The painful remarks, pointed fingers of blame.
The ignorant and uneducated speaking "wise"
All these and more brought tears to my eyes.

Now I stand at a moment of choice.
I sit and pray quietly, seeking His voice.
I pray for His comfort and strength
To guide me down this path of great length.

He will not fail me, He will not leave me.
Thou I must not doubt, I put my faith in Thee.
Give me Hope as I try to know Thy Will.
Patient or Patience, in my motherhood quest to fulfill.

Magic Ears

2010-08-14T11:34:00.000-07:00

I got Magic ears this weekend! No, I didn't get Mickey ears or any ears at Disneyland.

I got Oticon Agil hearing aids! I was born with a hearing loss and after my last pair broke a couple of months ago I've been wanting to get some that are Bluetooth capable. Let me tell you some of my hearing friends and family have said they want a pair after hearing the cool things I can do.

Here's brief description of what I can do:

With the streamer a tiny instrument the size of the iPod nano hanging around my neck, I can talk on the telephone with the phone in my pocket and no have to remove my hearing aid for a traditional headset. I hear it through my hearing aids!

Techy Toostie can listen to her iPod without earbuds.

I can tune into the TV at my desired volume and the output others hear is at their comfort level.

I can tune in to the movie theater.

I have the capability to turn into FM frequencies.

The ear pieces are clear and the piece that wraps behind my ear is the color of my blonde hair. I've never been self conscience of my hearing aids because function is more important to me than fashion.

I'm still "playing" with my new electronic gadgets. I'm so happy. I wanted to tell all my dear readers that Christmas came early for Tootsie.

Love you all. Happy and hearing. Tootsie.

For those who know

2010-07-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

To my readers who know: today's been a really good day! Thank you for your love and prayers. Hugs, Toostie

2010-07-09T05:47:00.000-07:00

One of my avid fans mentioned how much they missed my posts. I must admit I've missed my writing muse. I think today's post will be dedicated to a beautiful niece who sent me a beautiful thank you for a series I introduced her to. She loves to read! Aunt Tootsie couldn't be happier about that! If I could only have one hobby. It would be reading. Thank you sweet niece for your sincere gratitude and for your maturity beyond your age when you explained how you were sharing the legacy of the series with another. I can't tell you how many books you will read that will be life changing. I've come up with a few of my very favorite.

The Book of Mormon
The Pearl of Great Price
The Miracle of Forgiveness
Jesus the Christ
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Alchemist
The Hidding Place
Is Chelsea going blind?
The Places You'll Go
Ender's Game

What makes your favorite list?

Summer is Splendid

2010-06-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

I love summer! I love the heat of the desert! I love the fruits and vegetables that are so plentiful! I love being in the sunshine! The pool! The outdoors! This is a wonderful time and I'm embracing it! I just wanted to share my excitement with my readers!

They haven't tried the obvious

2010-05-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

This is probably one of the few times you will read Tootsie's opinion on world matters. I have a deep love for the Gulf Coast particularly Pensacola, Florida. I love that beautiful, peaceful place. In the five years I lived in Florida this place brought happiness, peace, pensive moments and for a time, romance. It pains my heart to think that it may not be the beautiful, white sugar beaches of "squeaky" sand. I love explaining to others unfamiliar with this soft, soothing, luxurious sand that the grains of sand are rounded and thus "squeak" when walked upon. Sure, it sticks to you like sugar, and like sand universally, ends up in places that are uncomfortable, (read eyes and bathing suits) but oh the beauty of this beach!

The tragic accident of April 20 has forever altered the lives of countless individuals. My heart goes out to all who lost loved ones, lost livelihoods, and land. In all the news of how to stop the continuous flow of oil from the floor of the Gulf, they haven't mentioned the one thing that just might work.

Prayer.

To those who scorn my "naivety" I say, God created this earth. He controls it.

This nation "under God" was founded by men who believed in a Supreme being. I believe that all men have the right to worship how, where or what they may. I believe in God the Father. He created all things and all things are in His control.

If the people of this nation would humble themselves and admit that they alone can not stop the flow of oil from this broken well; perhaps God would grant the prayers of the righteous who want the livelihood and loveliness of the Gulf Coast to be spared, healed where damage has been done, and thrive once more.

I've been praying that those working on this problem would be inspired that they would find success if God willed it. I think it's time for the people of this nation to raise their voices to God and admit that they can't do this thing alone. God wants those who follow Him to be humble. We of this nation know disaster and hopelessness, yet we've selfishly left God out of our solutions. We don't want to invite Him to help us because then we just might find ourselves indebted to Him. We might have to let go of our selfish tendencies. We might have to admit to ourselves that we are nothing without Him.

It pains me as the days go by that there has not been a call to pray. I know that there are many in the Gulf Coast states who are praying, they too, believe as I believe that God does hear and answer prayers. I know this because I've seen the strength of these faithful individuals. It is time that those in position of leadership humble themselves and organize a day of prayer. A day of humility before the God of this earth. A day of uniting and praying that He will stop the flow.

Perhaps He won't. Perhaps the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth wills otherwise.

There will be those among the unbelievers and weak-hearted believers that will jeer and jest at my suggestion and even the possible failure of such a proposal of prayer.

But to all the God-fearing, God-loving people who believe as I do, I ask, "What is the harm in trying?" Sure, the answer may be no. But God will know those who humbled themselves before Him. We will know that we tried to humble ourselves, petitioning for His help. We will know that we stood for what was right among the unbelievers.

To all my fellow believers, it does not matter to me the name of the Supreme being you pray to, He is the same. I ask you, please let us humble ourselves and make it known that we wish to invite God into the solution. I pray that He will hear and answer our collective prayer, that the beauty and liveliness of the Gulf will be spared further harm. But this I KNOW, I would be wrong if I did not ask Him to control this situation that has been out of control for too long. If you feel this is wrong or against your code of beliefs, then don't worry about it. It's just words to you. If you feel that this is right, please join me in this prayer. It can't hurt and God willing, it might help.

I'm happy to report

2010-05-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

I think Mr. Website Guy is a step ahead of me in the doing nice things game. He's been very attentive these past few days. I better get with it!

Day 1

2010-05-25T16:55:00.000-07:00

The tiny thing I did for my husband was offer to do some laundry for him.

Tiny Things

2010-05-24T18:19:00.000-07:00

It's the little things that make the biggest difference. It's the little acts of kindness each day that mean the most. Conversely, it is the tiny things that we stumble on or carry that keep us from truly loving and giving to others. We can do big grandiose things for those we love, but if we are not attentive to the little things they may not care about that "once a year big thing". Tootsie needs to do some fixing of her ways. She needs to start seeking out those little things in the lives of those she loves and showing how she loves and cares for him and them. I resolve today, to find something that I can do different today than I did yesterday and tomorrow I'll do the same routine. I'll share my efforts in hopes that you'll find ways to do the same for the ones you love.

Holding on

2010-05-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

Toostie has been holding on these days. I've been holding on emotionally at times. It's been a challenge but aren't challenges good for us? I'm also guilty of holding on to some not so good things like anger, resentment, self-pity. These types of emotional ball & chain issues are natural challenges we all deal with. However, these are challenges that are extremely unhealthy for us. So, how do I purge the unhealthy challenges? I know that there is only One who has the power to take the challenge and replace it with conviction to do right. He will not pry it from out closed fist. No, we must go to Him and ask that He take what we've already placed at His feet. We have to let go first.

Second, we have to continue in humility and love toward Him. We must ask Him yo forgive us and strengthen us. This becomes the challenge of holding on to our struggle. Our natural man trait is not accustom to holding on in faith to that which is so difficult to identify unless we are still and quiet. He will help. We need only Ask.

Bouncing Back....

2010-05-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

Tootsiesroles has been on vacation for too long! I'm ending my hiatus right now. Mind you, I, Tootsie, have not been on vacation, just been distracted from my blogging. I'm here to get back on track...

So, what's new with Tootsie? Well, not much. I did however have the most wonderful time with BB and his amazing family at the "happiest place on earth" aka Disneyland. Wow! That was a FUN time! I can't wait to do it again. :) Thanks BB for letting me tag along.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I'm excited that my Conference edition of the Ensign has arrived. I have two copies, so I can really get into studying, marking, and feasting upon the words of our living prophets. I encourage you to get a copy of the May 2010 Ensign and read and study the messages of April's General Conference. You can get them online too at www.lds.org if you'd like to browse without the paper.

I'll be back again soon. Too long without writing has left my mind and creative talent dull. I'll see if I can't sharpen it up a bit.

2010-04-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

My emotional and spiritual reserves have been improved greatly this weekend. I'm so thankful for the life and love of Jesus Christ. I hope the joy and miracle of Easter has been strengthened in your heart this holiday weekend. As a Latter-day Saint I feel truly blessed to have listened to the voice of a prophet and many others who were directed by God in their messages.

Clarity in the fog

2010-03-31T01:35:00.000-07:00

I reminisced with a coworker about walking to school in the California fog. We were explaining it to another coworker who lived in a place that rarely if ever had fog. It's so strange thinking of fog as water and air. Two things we must have; yet in this situation it causes confusion at best and disasterious wrecks at worst. Well, I'm up in the middle of the night because I'm in a bit of a fog.
I want to be able to make black/white choices but all around me I see only various shades of grey.
I know that there is only One who can show me clarity in this fog. He is the source of peace and rest on this sleepless night. I must say that I look forward with great anticipation and joy for the opportunity to sit at the feet of His prophets and apostles this weekend. I have faith that my questions will be answered. I know that there are others like me anxiously waiting for the spiritual feast that awaits. It is
my prayer that I will come to the feast hungry and prepared to try it all. I know that if I exercise my faith the fog will lift and I will be given direction and determination. So many analogies in life can be made of Him who loves us. On this night, He is the lighthouse in the fog of my mind and heart.

A rarity

2010-03-13T09:21:00.000-08:00

I found myself wishing for something few desert rats wish for. . .
HEAT!

See where I live swamp coolers and A/C units run from April to November. Because our winters are mild most don't turn on the heat. That being said, our blood is "thinner" and many of us feel cold during the "winter" months. I froze my dear Mr. Website Guy out all winter so we can turn on the air more often this summer.

Well, at work I was feeling chilly and suddenly I found myself longing for the heat of desert summers. I love the feeling of leaving an air conditioned building and getting into my ovenbaked car and feeling the hot air "prickle" my face. I get to thaw out. Seriously I wear warm clothes in the summer to the office because my liitle office is a box. An icebox. I don't get to ask for a temp change because I'm on one of the main duct for my floor. So I take beaks and go bask inthe beautiful sunshine.

Many of my fellow desert dwellers would say I was crazy for feeling this way and would probably be upset if my wish for early heat came true. It makes me a rarity but hey I'm a rose that blossoms in the desert. I love it! Thanks Mr. website Guy for giving up your dream of working in rainy Redmond, WA. I love you and I love where we live. Thanks.

So, my dear Reader, if you hear my neighbors complaining of an unusually early start to the heat, willyou keep my wish come true a secret? Thanks!

Turning Points

2010-03-09T16:27:00.000-08:00

We all have those pivotal moments in life where we see a glimpse of ourselves through the eyes of another. You know when those around you love you enough to tell you "like it is". We then have a choice. We can evaluate and confirm or we can bristle and deny. I think the moment we do the evaluating we have a moment called a "turning point". It's a moment where we can later pinpoint the time of change.

Toostie's had two turning points of late and a third one recently popped up. The first two were in regard to my weight and my use of certain words. The third was pointed out to me by my boss. After a staff meeting, we all sat around for rare visit filled with laughter and teasing. As I parted from the jovial meeting, my boss said to my coworker, "she's so pretty when she smiles." I returned to deliver a message and was told of the comment. I replied with a thank you and a question. "Do I not smile enough?" I was told I don't.

So, I've thought about it and I'm going to take action. It'll be conscious effort for a while but just like exercise and eating, and pausing before speaking, it'll get easier with time and will only do me good. If you want to share with Tootsie things that'll make me smile please do. I'll be sure to share with you, too. I hope there will come a time when others say I smile "all the time". We all know someone like that and it's so refreshing. So, what kind of turning points have you had lately?

Simply Simplify

2010-02-24T15:08:00.000-08:00

I spent the weekend building an addition on to my closet. I did this because Tootsie's duds are out of control everywhere in her house. I also went through the closet and decided there are some contents which simply don't belong anymore. They have no place in my life, so off they go to the thrift store. I got to thinking that feels so good, I need to do this in other areas of my house and in my life. I need to simply simplify. What do I need all this baggage for? It's just extra fuel in the tragic event of a house fire. I'm going to slim down. Physically as well as domestically. I think it will help me bulk up spiritually and mentally. That's where the extra stuff really matters. How about you? What do you want to simply simplify in your life? Good luck getting slimmer!

Just checking in...

2010-02-09T17:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

I've been too busy with things that must be done, but really don't matter in the eternal picture. So, I'm going to carve out some time for myself and for you, tomorrow. I'm taking the day off work and getting some much needed "me" things done. Most of it involves the dentist, doctors, errands, and the like, but hey, I've put it off long enough. So, tomorrow I'm going to be searching for something in my world that I can grow pensive about, and then share with you. I love each of you, my readers! I love knowing that someone besides me is getting a smile out of my work. Hugs to all of you, Tootsie

All that Grey Matter

2010-01-26T15:34:00.000-08:00

My mind has been a bit 'foggy' these last few days. I'm having trouble remembering things. I'm maxed out on the 10% of the brain power, I 'averagely' use. For those of you who are slightly confused, don't worry, it'll pass.

They say the average person uses only 10% of their brain's capacity. Wow! Only 10%, what's happening with the other 90%? I have no idea!

Today, my grey matter is getting all mixed up with all the usernames and passwords that I have to store. I have too many!!!! I have several for work and the responsibilities that I have there, then I have my personal emails, of which there are five. Yes, five. I need to purge. Then there's banks and credit cards and other entities in the computer world that I have accounts with that all require username and password. Sometimes, it's just a jumbled mess of numbers, letters and "ideas" that are supposed to help me remember why I chose whatever it was I chose. Do you follow me? If so, great! I'm lost.

What I really want to be remembering are the birthdays I forget;the phone numbers I need because my cellphone is dead and I can't call anyone but the operator; the chores and tasks at home and work that I need to follow up on; the dates of appointments and activities. Nope, these things are like butter slicked ideas flying through my grey matter. Very difficult to keep a hold of without the use of a calendar, alarm, and a phone call from a friendly appointment clerk somewhere.

Then you have the stuff that sticks. Yes, it sticks like that nasty rubbery gum under your 11th grade school desk. You know: the song lyrics to a melody that's annoying; the image of something gross or disturbing; or the wrong name for a person you've known for too long to ask the truth of their name. ARGGGGG! That's not anything worth saving!

Our minds are powerful, wonderful, and mystical things. We get information jumbled, garbled, irretriveable and misplaced. We have memories stored, clouded, jaded, treasured. We can't function without our brain; we take it for granted, and we apparently aren't using enough of it. It's time for me to get back to the crossword puzzles I love, the books that cause me to think and the quizzes of vocabulary words and synonyms.

What's filling up your grey matter and what do you want to be filling it up with? Think about it! Pun intended.

Taking the bull by the horns

2010-01-23T19:55:00.000-08:00

I have to admit I don't really know the origin or exact meaning of the phrase "taking the bull by the horns". My definition is basically, you just do what you gotta do. Well, I did that this week. Sugar that's my biggest vice. I'm doing pretty good at beating out the cravings and temptations. It's been three weeks now; it's feeling good. No, this week, it was cable. See when Mr. Website Guy and I met I was a busy woman with things to do and accomplish and I made up my mind that I didn't want to have a TV at home because, I'm a self-proclaimed 't.v. junkie' and I wanted to avoid that temptation. Well, for three years we got the disbelieving remarks and shocked expressions from others when we told them that we didn't have a t.v. This was usually the answer when asked if we watched, (insert a sitcom or reality tv episode here) and we of course, had not seen it. Mr. Website Guy is wonderful. He is smart and he works hard for our family. Well, that last two Christmas bonuses he received were spent on bills or savings, you know practical, responsible stuff. Well, this year he said he wanted to "blow it on something fun" so we did and we got a t.v. to play a Wii on and to watch movies on something other than the computer screen. I decided to get cable. After only one week of mind-numbing viewing in my precious evening hours, I decided to end this addiction. I asked M.W.G. to call the cable company and cancel the cable. He said he would, but then I realized, "No. I need to do it. I need to prove I'm stronger than this." So, I did it. When asked why I was canceling by the representative, I told her, "I'm compulsive about watching television and I don't want it." She tried to talk me into basic cable. Nope. I'm done. I'm an "all-or-nothing" kinda gal, which isn't always the best way to be, but hey, I know what I want and don't want and I go after it or I AVOID it. So, I'm empowered now. I can go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for two hours while I get my t.v. fix. Not bad, don't you think, I have to pay a price that will only reap rewards. Well, I know there's got to be something you're hanging on to because it's just so good but may not be good for you, we all have something. So, what do you say, are you up for the challenge? Take the bull by the horns and see just what you can do! I believe in you! Love, Tootsie

Nothing Worth Having

2010-01-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

You've heard the phrase, "nothing worth having, comes easy"? Well, I think some poor soul that was struggling to make it big said that. Or just a really great optimist. Think about it.... There are so many things that take HARD work and DEDICATION, SACRIFICE, and ENDURANCE. You have to be optimistic to stick to it when it's just seems no progress is being made. You tell yourself, it's worth it, it's just not easy and you find that thread of will power, that glimmer of hope, the surge of strength to get you through the current hurdle. Well, that's me, every day with my diet and exercise. I just have to keep on keeping on. It's good for my body, my mind, and my soul. So, I'll push myself a little further tomorrow and when the muscles ache and the cravings knock at my will, I'll just say, "I can hold on a little bit longer." What are you working on that's well worth it but certainly not easy? From one fighter to another, I'd like to say, "Hang in there!"

Finding my tail

2010-01-13T16:07:00.000-08:00

I was feeling a little Eeore-ish the other day and my wonderful friend and co-worker says, "You lost your tail. You need to find you a new one." So, I resolved to find me a tail! A happy tail. Where do you find tails for Eeores? Well, inside of course!

I'm going to give myself a way out when the frustration and blues come. I'm going to shadow box those blues away. Then, I'll be getting better in more than one way.

As for the happy tail, well, uhmmmm, let's see......I KNOW! "When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost..." I'll COUNT MY BLESSINGS, name them one by one.

The following list is in no way all inclusive:
1. My husband. Being married to your best friend is pretty awesome!
2. Our house. I love where we live and I love that we can be 'creative' with it.
3. Our Family. Both sides of the family have countless blessings, especially those little ones that Aunt Tootsie just loves to "eat".
4. My job. I get to work with two wonderful individuals and I enjoy going to work each day. I feel lucky about that.
5. My life. I may not like Tootsie's rolls right now, but I can't deny the blessing of my health and ability. Besides, one thing that I'm doing is working on the rolls, and that's helping me find a happy tail.
6. Cooking. I love to bring joy to others through my talent in the kitchen.
7. Writing. This is what I'm meant to do and if I really want to keep my "happy tail" I need to finish the story I started!
8. The Gospel. This is where the source of all happiness begins. The times that I take time to really immerse myself, are the times I am most happy and content.
9. The phone. I love my phone. It keeps me sane (games, calendars, etc) and in touch with those I love and need the most.
10. The sunshine. I moved to this dry, warm climate so I could always have the companionship of the center of our solar system. It helps me stay above the clouds.

I love all you dear readers. I'll get back into the writing for it helps me and I like to think it helps you. Happy tail hunting to all you Eeores out there and for those of you Tiggers well, you just keep bouncing on that wonderful tail of yours. Love, Tootsie

Need a laugh? Go card shopping

2009-12-15T20:06:00.000-08:00

I had to get a card for the office to send out and whether it was the fact that it was 6:30 a.m., I was hungry, or just plain silly; I ended up buying a card I didn't need just because it was so funny! It's Expressions of Motherhood by Hallmark. Picture this. 1950's black and white style mom and kids. Mom's handing the kids a glass of milk. She says, "Now run along and play and remember, you'd die without me." The inside says, Hope you get some appreciation today, Happy Birthday.

Now, what mom hasn't felt like saying something similar to her ungrateful offspring? I'm not even a mother and I can imagine that feeling. I know what kind of child I was and I'm sure I caused my mother to pause a moment and wonder if she or I would live to see the end of those stress filled days. Anyway, it had me laughing for about five minutes and when I finally focused on the task of actually purchasing the card I needed, I knew I couldn't leave the store without that one.

That started my day off with laugh and a smile. I even called my best friend who lives 2 time zones ahead of me just so I could share the laugh with someone I knew I wouldn't be waking. Ah, it now resides on my bulletin board at work and although the people I work for and with are definitely not my children, I can't help but think, some of them would die if it weren't for the help I give them. So, it'll stay there and give me a smile when I need it.

To all you wonderful moms out there, hang in there. These seemingly ungrateful children will bless you with their offspring. I love the saying that says, Grandkids are God's reward for not killing your children. Your child will grow up and they will learn, just as I did, that they'd have died if it weren't for you.

My day job

2009-12-15T13:39:00.000-08:00

So, the one role that I have in life that I haven't really addressed is my job. I don't want to self incriminate so I've stayed clear of subjects and merely alluded to moments of stress.
However, last night my husband and I went to dinner with my boss and his lovely wife. It was absolutely delightful to sit and visit and to just enjoy the company of good friends. Even my shy, not much for conversation, honey enjoys going out with my boss and his wife.
Work is the place most of us spend the bulk of our waking hours and it's nice to have opportunities to mingle with the friends you've made through the connection. I feel very lucky to have a boss I'm comfortable having dinner with. I feel lucky to be a considered an employee worth having dinner with.
I feel the same about my co-worker. She and I are buddies. We are always looking out for one another. We've cried together, we laugh A LOT together and we work fabulously together. I love when we have opportunities to go out to lunch together or meet after work for a drink and an unwinding gab session.
I'm pretty lucky to be in a role I enjoy and to be appreciated for the job I do. My friendships can attest to that. That's a benefit that no HR office can offer.

Clutter: the bane of my existence

2009-11-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

I have been cleaning out the nooks and crannies of my 'office' at home in the hopes that I can have family and friends over and not feel utterly ashamed of my messiness. I don't keep my home as clean as I'd like at times, but I can't be beating myself up about it all the time, so I pick my battles.

Today's battle is with clutter. You know the stuff you need to keep around but because you didn't find it a home in the first 30 seconds of handling it, it landed in the 'clutter zone'. Everyone has one, you might hide it in some drawer or closet so that it's found by only those in the family and friends cleaning out your personal effects after your death; but don't try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

Well, out of my three bedrooms, 2 living rooms, I'm embarrassed to say that two of them are 'clutter zones' and it is doubly embarrassing that one of them is in the 'public' area of the house. After months upon months of it building, spilling, and rebuilding and repeating I've attempted to shovel out of it. It's been one of those chores that I am doing everything to avoid yet I'm driven to do not do anything I enjoy for then the nagging thoughts suck the joy out of the activity. Well, I'm making progress although I still have a bit to go. I'm determined to have it transformed before I get to bed because I really want to impress MWG with my 'new look'.

I'm determined to keep it un-cluttered this time at least until after January 1 when the guests depart. Maybe with a month start I'll develop a new habit? Doubtful, if you wanna know how long I've had this clutter problem, just as my Sidekick Sister who shared a room with me for 16 years. I'm pretty sure I had something to do with the fact that she's a really organized individual. I guess you can learn positive things from a bad example. Too bad I was the bad example.

Dear reader, I don't want to leave you down in the dumps with this post, no, I hope I've jogged your mind of the recessed place in your life, or home that needs a little purging & re-organizing. Trust me, you'll feel better when you're done; it's working for me.

My Other Half

2009-11-27T07:40:00.000-08:00

I'm learning more and more just how much my husband is my other half. Not that I didn't realize it in mind, it's just I'm acknowledging it's realization. It's wonderful! I'm thankful for him. I'm thankful for the the things that I've learned while I've been with him. I'm thankful for the future we get to have together, whatever that future may be.

I'm thankful for the family he has. Anyone who thinks you are only marrying your spouse is mistaken. You marry the whole family, unless of course your spouse is estranged from his own family then you may be exempt, otherwise, in-laws are part of the packaged deal.

I got a great bargain when I married MWG. I have a mother-in-law who loves me like a daughter, a father-in-law who is generous in his assistance to us, and two sisters-in-law who were pretty excited to have me join their sisterhood. I feel very blessed in the in-law department. I thank them for who they are, what they do, and the love they share with me and MWG. I look forward to many happy years of being part of this family. Thanks!

Dear MIL (Mother-in-law),
Your example of service is awe inspiring. Your relentless devotion is defining and honorable. You are so giving of your time and having been a recipient of your service I know that you serve willingly, lovingly, and thoroughly. Thank you for loving me and for accepting me like a daughter. It means so very much to me to have been welcomed so lovingly into your family. I love you, Mom.

Dear FIL (Father-in-law),
You've provided well for your family and worked hard and the family has been fortunate to have the opportunities you've graciously provided. Thank you for the wonderful trips you've invited your son and I to attend with you. Thank you for the daily service you give us. Thank you for your love and devotion to your wife; the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.

Dear SIL1 (Sister-in-law 1),
Due to distance, you and I have not had a lot of opportunity to bond, but I'vc always felt welcomed by you. As an eternal family, I know that we will have eternity to get to know each other and that we will have to capitalize on the opportunities we have when they arise. Thanks for loving me as a sister.

Dear SIL2 (Sister-in-law 2),
We have a lot in common. We respect and admire one another's differences. I love the fact that you and I developed our own friendship outside of my dating your brother. I'm lucky to call you my sister. I love spending time with you, serving you and laughing with you. You have the most wonderful laugh. I love you, Sister Sue.

MWG, You are a lucky man to be from a strong family with a STRONG gospel heritage. You are a hard worker and I know that as you and I work together to strengthen our family from all that is hurtful and troubling in the world, we will become strong links in your family chain. I love you, MWG. I love you so very much. All my love, your Tootsie

Mom's in the Kitchen

2009-11-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my mom the other day and telling her that although I am 'revolting' from the traditional Thanksgiving feast, that it in NO WAY reflects any harbored childhood ill will toward the holiday. On the contrary, I have many WONDERFUL memories of Thanksgiving Day. Particularly, Thanksgiving morning.

Two of my favorite things: Snuggling in a blanket to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and helping my mom in the kitchen all morning as my hunger intensified with every passing hour. The bird smelling so delicious, the stuffing being just 'perfect', the mashed potato bowl heaping with its mountainous goodness of creamy, buttery, smooth, mashed potatoes. The cranberry and marshmallow salad, pistachio pudding salad, fruit cocktail and cool whip salad. The rolls! The fruit pie that my mother always had since she catered to my 'anti-pumpkin pie' tastes. The plentiful mounds of cool whip on anything sweet. Oh, the food of Thanksgiving was great! It's interesting how my tastes have changed yet again, because all that isn't quite as appealing to me anymore, but the opportunity to be with family and friends is welcomed.

I'm thankful for my family, my friends and for my opportunity to love and be loved. I'm thankful to my mom for all the hours she puts into making Thanksgiving Day a beautiful occasion in her home. Mom, you are one AWESOME cook and I'm glad I learned under your tutelage. Thanks for building a solid foundation of the love of good holiday food. I look forward to cooking with you when you come down in just a few short weeks! I love you, Mom!

For all you readers, you can quit reading here if you'd like the rest of this post will be specifically dedicated to my mother. Happy Thanksgiving!

Mom, I've always tried to show my gratitude to you for all that you've done for me; however, this day I want to take moment to remind you just how thankful I am to have you for my mom. For 6 1/2 months you carried me within your angel body and when I threatened to come too early you and dad fought to make conditions optimal for my survival. Driving four agonizing hours through the snowy mountain pass to get to the Valley where neonatal facilities could give your unborn baby a chance. You suffered the fear and pain of those few days of bleeding, an emergency Cesarean, the weeks of recovery, and the months of separation from me. Your first Christmas without me home must have had a tinge of sadness. Having never been a mother I can't begin to know the worry and sorrow as you prayed, pleaded with the Lord to let your baby live. Live I did and I thank you and Dad for all that you gave, all that you sacrificed, and all that you endured to nurture, care for, and raise me. You truly are my hero. You are the wind beneath my wings. Thank you for your unconditional love which I KNOW I didn't deserve during my teenage and early adult years. Thank you for your love, friendship, and motherly heart and all that comes forth from these emotions. If I can be half the mother you were to each of your six children I will be a great mother. You, like your mother before you, epitomize the verse in Proverbs 31:27, "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." You have always taught me by example to be a hard worker and to take pride in my work, doing my best. You can stand tall my dear mother knowing too that you are deserving of the praise found in verse 28, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." I know that Heavenly Father has blessed you in countless ways and if you should need a witness to testify on behalf of your goodness and dedication that I will stand and boldly declare that I KNOW you were all a mother should be and more. I doubt the Lord will have need of my voice for "[your] own works [will] praise [you] in the the gates" (verse 31, emphasis added). Mom, I am so thankful for the privilege I was given to be your daughter. You are now forever my friend. All my love, hugs and a kiss. Your Daughter, "Tootsie"

Thanksgiving Tribute

2009-11-25T07:08:00.000-08:00

This post goes out to an avid reader and fan of Tootsie's Roles. My dear dad. Tootsie's Pop (sorry, Dad I couldn't resist the pun) is one awesome father, husband and friend. He's a motivational speaker, a life coach, a shrink, amateur comedian and one large bear hug! To make money, he makes paper, but I digress.

This thanksgiving I'm going to start my 'thanking' early. I am thankful for my dad and want to share a thanksgiving moment that is near and dear to my heart.

While Tootsie was in college about 13 hours from home, Tootsie's Pop drove the long route to pick up Tootsie and her sidekick sister plus an extra roomie to come home for Thanksgiving. Tootsie and her 'pop' sat in the front and for the duration of the trip, they talked, they discussed, they wondered, and they talked some more. In short, the 13 hours were too short for all they had to say.
Turkey Day and the day after were wonderful days of visiting with Mom and Dad, my younger brother and sister and our guest roomie. It was wonderful! Then it was time to make the trip back to school. We loaded up the same as we came and away we went. Yup, you guessed it, Dad and I talked the whole way back. It was and is great to visit with my dad!
Once I was back at school my roomie remarked, "You and your dad never ran out of things to talk about!" It's true and I hope we never will.

I love you, Dad! I can't wait to see you when you come visit in December! I'm overdue for one of your bear hugs! Happy Thanksgiving and THANK YOU for all the visits, advice and love you've doled out over the years! I was and always will be listening. All my love, YFP Tootsie

Trimming the Turkey

2009-11-23T06:44:00.000-08:00

I'm passing up on the turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie this year. I'm calling Thanksgiving Day, my day to Trim the Turkey.

Don't get me wrong, I have much to be thankful for and I express my gratitude for my bounteous blessings as often as I can. It's just I don't want to spend the day focused on food.

My thanksgiving plan is to get my house in order. I have many chores that have been put in the fridge, not just "on the back burner," since I've started working full-time PLUS some. So, I declare that I will spend my weekend getting fat on holiday decorations, sleeping soundly with a 'belly' full of completed chores, and making time for 'leftover' projects that I thoroughly enjoy and crave but just haven't had the time for.

Black Friday? Not this year. I'll be cashing in on finding hidden treasures on my desk that has been sorely neglected. Come Monday, I hope to be bursting with holiday cheer because my halls will be decked with lights and ornaments, the scent of cinnamon coming from my wall outlet blossoms.

Yes, this Thanksgiving, it'll be "beginning to look A LOT like Christmas" at my house and I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunity to quietly celebrate the holidays in my own unique way.

To my wonderful, handsome and loving Mr. Website Guy, I say THANKS for supporting me and please know that I in no way want to impose my 'unique' ideas on you, so if it's turkey, stuffing and pie you need this Thanksgiving, please, please know that I want you to partake of the offerings from kind and generous relatives.

Surprise Revealed

2009-11-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers:

You've waited patiently enough these last few days. I was reminded by an avid reader that I hadn't told you the SURPRISE. He was TOTALLY blown away! It was kind of fun yet nerve wracking to see him totally shocked. I was a little nervous he was going to 'back out'. Yet, when the shock wore off he was pretty excited!

We went to Seattle, WA. My wonderful husband served his mission there 11 years ago. We even found one of his apartments in Lynnwood! Welcome Home Hill is a place I've heard of for the past four years and I've finally been there. It's a steep hill that MWG had to ride up every night for seven months. He was in REALLY good shape during the two years that he rode a bicycle in Seattle.

We ate an anniversary lunch at the Space Needle. The food was fabulous and the view perfect! The normally cloudy skies cleared for us! :) We went to the Seattle Temple and we had a special time there. It was a quick two days, but the memories will last forever.

3 years and counting....

2009-11-08T20:11:00.000-08:00

It's been three years since I became 'Tootsie'. It's kind of hard for me to remember why Mr. Website Guy called me that to begin with, but I do know it was AFTER my marriage to him. We will celebrate our third wedding anniversary this week. Veteran's day, which considering we are both patriotic and had grandfathers who served in WWII, is not only fitting but makes it really easy to remember. 11/11.

I'm planning a surprise for my Man and I'm busting at the seams to spill the beans! I've been planning it since the first of September and I can't think if I've ever kept a secret from him for this long. The part I love most is that he WANTS me to keep the secret. See I had to give him a few minor details so that by some crazy fluke he didn't plan something too and then we'd have to decide or disappoint. Anyway, he knows there's something but he doesn't want me to spoil the surprise. I love that about him. Usually, I'm thinking, "What is it?" I figure out a million questions to try and get the secret out. Try the old tactic of "wear 'em down with relentless questions and wonderings" Well, thankfully, he isn't like that. So, you wanna know what I have planned?

Well, I'll tell you.

Yes, I'm going to spill the beans. Here, on my blog.

Okay, here it is. . . .

I'm planning. . . .

A SURPRISE!!!!!

I'll tell you about it after MWG find out. 'Why?!' you ask? Well, it's simple.

He reads my blog. :)

Aunt Tootsie's Love

2009-10-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

Aunt Tootsie is going to Toot some horns for her nieces and nephews.

My Bookworm niece - You are growing up so tall! I love that you love to read. I love how smart you are. I am so lucky to be your aunt! I look forward to building a friendship with you as the years go by. Learn to listen to your parents they are teaching you well the ways that will bring happiness into your life. I know as a 'teenage' it's hard to see that, but trust that they were once your age too and had loving parents that were teaching them the same things. I will always love you and I'll always be there for you!

My Pizza nephew - You are such a bright boy! Your smile lights up the room. I love to hear your laugh! I love seeing your thirst for learning! Keep it up, it'll take you places! Boy, you can do anything your heart desires. Just like the funrun you did! Have patience with yourself though. Though many things come easily for you, be patient in the areas that don't. Know that your Aunt Tootsie loves you and I understand some of the challenges that frustrate you. I'll always be there to listen and help if you want me to.

My Soda nephew - I've always loved how you care about others. Even as a little baby you were sensitive to others and put an effort in to making others feel loved. No one ate alone in your presence and you were usually after the fruits and veggies. A rare thing indeed! Your loving heart, your peacemaker attitude are a blessing to your family. I love the hugs you give me! You are a hard worker, a trait which will always bless you. I know what it's like to be the middle child so, know that I'm in your corner, buddy. I love you so much!

My Princess Annaleis niece - Your Uncle "Mr. Website Guy" adores you as do I! You are in the dictionary under sweet. Did you know that? I love the dimples in your cheeks, the mischievious look in your eyes and the quick wit you have! I love being loved by you! Thank you for the hugs and joy you bring into my life. I love you and I'll always be there for you.

My Cheetah nephew - You are a delight to all who are in your company! You keep growing and learning from your mommy and daddy and your wonderful sibilings older than you. Be a good brother to your baby brother. I love you so much!

My Chunky Monkey nephew - You're still too young to understand this post, but I love your smile, your excitment for life! You are the little caboos on a wonderful family train. I love you!

My Swimming Fish niece - I lived with you for five months and you and I became best buddies! I'm watching you grow into a beautiful young lady and I'm lucky to be your aunt. I love your adventurous heart and your laugh. You have a tender heart too and that blessed me one day when you were too little to help, so you sat on my lap and wiped my tears with your little hand. I will always love you and you can always count on your aunt Tootsie!

My Waterbug nephew - I am the luckiest aunt! I got to see you as you were being born! I loved to hug and snuggle with you as a baby. You have talents in sports and imagination that make your activities adventerous! Always listen to your mom and dad because they will teach you to grow up and be a great man! I will always hold a special place in my heart for you! I love you!

My Princess 1 niece - You can accomplish anything you want in life! You worked so hard at gymnastics and it paid off! You are such a great sister to your other princess sisters! You are smart and brave. Combine that with your hard work, you'll always have fun adventures in your life. Be a good example to your sisters and listen to your mom and dad; they will teach you about what really matters in life. I love you, beautiful and you can always call on your aunt Tootsie!

My Princess 2 niece - You have the face of an angel. You are so fun to be around with your shy front that melts into fun merriment! You and your older sister get along so well. Cherish that sister of yours; for when you are both adults you'll be each others best friends and the two of you will be unstoppable! I love you, sweetheart! Aunt Tootsie is always only a phone call away.

My Princess 3 niece - Swimming with you this summer was fun! You are so sweet and trusting and so loving. You have a natural pose that makes you captivating to those around you. Always stay sweet and as you listen to your mom and dad you'll learn what generates true happiness. I love you, sweetie! Aunt Tootsie will always be there for you.

My Princess 4 niece - We are birthday buddies! When you grow up and you get discouraged that your friends are combining your birthday and Christmas gifts, you call your Aunt Tootsie and I'll give you ideas on how to deal with it. You are a sweetheart and I loved swimming with you this summer, even though I had to be clever at getting you to come to me. I love you, you sweet thing!

My Princess 5 niece - You are still too little to understand, but you are a special part of our family and of your mom & dad's family. You have grandma's name. She's a good woman to model your life after. Always live to bring honor to your family name. Your mommy is so wonderful and you should always respect her and listen to your daddy, too. I love you sweetie!

Princess 6 niece - You are still 'baking in the oven', but what a joy it was to find out that you'd be joining the family! I can't wait to meet you!

To all my sibilings, I love each and every one of you and your wonderful spouses! I'm so lucky to have your friendship and to be allowed to love, dote upon, and spoil your children. I will always be there for your kids. If you ever need me to reinforce something or to show a little extra love to one, let me know and I'll be there for them and you. You are all examples to me and I thank you. To my sibilings younger than me, I just want to say thank you for your love and friendship! We are the 'little kids' and the 'big kids' are great examples for us. But as 'little kids' we forged a bond of friendship that'll always last. I'd do anything for you and your families.

Gramps and Grandma you have an heritage of the Lord to be pleased with. You taught us well the gospel of Jesus Christ, the importance of hard work, and the meaning of family loyalty and love. Thank you for being my example, my support and my friends. My husband and I will be well to do if we follow after the pattern you have set. Thank you!

All my love, Aunt, Sister, Daughter Tootsie

Tootsie's Tutelage

2009-10-13T04:16:00.000-07:00

I had a friend ask me recently what she should say to her friend who is dealing with infertility. The first thing I said was, "I have a list of things you should NOT say." I told her I'd email her and after some thought I came up with a small novella for her. I'd like to post it:

Here are a few tips that I would strongly suggest any friend or family member follow in regards to saying the right thing or rather to avoid saying the wrong thing. My small caveat is this, every person is different and these are mostly the things that hurt or help me. Ask your friend how they would want you to respond. They'll appreciate you for it. They'll tell you too. It's a nice relief to have someone ask how they can support you and be there, rather than just jump in with trite comments or suggestions.

1. Don't tell them it will happen in due time. No one knows that. It doesn't bring solace. It is better to let the person have their moment of sadness. Tell them it's okay to feel angry or sad or cheated. Tell them you'll be there to listen when they need to talk.

2. Don't keep good news from them. That hurts more. I may not want to go to the baby shower, but I would hate to be the last to find out that a friend was expecting simply because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Her being pregnant and my being upset are not her fault. That's something I have to come to grips with. As a side note, I can honestly say that I've been happy for all who've shared their news with me. I still had my own quiet moment of greiving, but I would never hurt a friendship over something like this.

3. Do let them have their pain. Just as you wouldn't say to a grieving widow, "just move on and try not to worry about it." Telling a couple that if they stop worrying about it, it will happen, is just plain mean. You try to not worry about something like this. Easier said than done. So don't say it.

4. Don't pass it off. Some have said, "You can always adopt." This is akin to telling a new widow, don't cry you can always find another husband. Yes, adoption is a possibility. But to one who is wanting their own child; this is an option that takes a long time to consider. It is not so readily available either, due to the high abortion rates. It can be expensive and with open adoption, you may still be left waiting and wanting. As for MWG and his Tootsie, we really struggle to accept this option due to our own ideas and experiences.

5. Do understand if they push you away. They may choose not to go to the baby shower. They may have to leave sacrament meeting when it's time to bless the baby. It isn't because they don't care or don't want to be friends. It's just too painful to sit by and put a smile on. Allow them time and when possible tell them you love them and miss them, but don't make excuses for them either. It doesn't help to be pitied.

6. Do be supportive. Listen if that's what they need. Only offer advice when asked or ask before giving it.

7. Don't tell them success stories of someone you know. It doesn't help. They may even resent you for going off the subject of their pain. I know that sounds selfish, but that's the reality of it. The fact is there is a constant roller coaster of hope they ride on and when they're on a down, they don't want to hear of other's ups. I'm very well aware of "success stories", that's why I'm willing to subject myself to the gamut of emotions and the gauntlet of fertility work-ups and treatments.

8. Do know that they are going to be ultra sensitive to a lot of things. Just let it go if they are. They will come back and try to make it right, they may not mention it, but they will feel sorry for blowing up. To my infertile peers: This is not an excuse to abuse the bonds of love and friendship.

9. Don't complain about your own pregancy or kids. It's so painful to watch children being mistreated or to hear complaining parents when you can't have that. I don't expect parents to be perfect and never have an off day, but when you hear a woman complain quite frequently about the woes of motherhood, it is very unfair. Save that kind of talk for your chit chat with other mothers at the play group.

10. Run interferance for them, after asking them if they want it. Nothing brings the sting like a dumb question by a ignorant person at a party. I say ignorant because it doesn't take but a moment to whisper to a friend who hasn't seen the infertile one in a while and say, "Don't ask 'Tootsie' if she's pregnant or going to have kids anytime soon." You don't need to go into detail, because if they are a close friend they would already know. If they aren't close, then it doesn't really matter why. They just need to know not to open their mouth and insert their foot.

11. A note to my infertile peers, if you haven't already, come up with some nice comebacks to help soften the sting and to 'put them in their place'. My favorite since I've put on belly weight that has been mistaken for a 'baby bump' is to say, "No, I just like to eat." I take mischievous pleasure in watching them squirm at the realization that they just asked a 'thoughtless' question. In our culture of openness people have come to think that they can ask any question of anyone. When other's ask almost accusingly, "When are you going to start your family?" I simply say, "Sometimes they don't come when you order them." Having been the recipent of such intrusive questioning, I am very guarded in my own curiosity of others. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be willing to communicate your needs and wishes to your fertile friends. It will only strengthen the true friends and ward off the insincere ones.

I hope this helps. I also hope I didn't come across too harsh. Know that these are only my suggestions I would offer to anybody wanting to know how to handle the sensitive topic of infertility. I love you, my friend. I know that this friend of yours is very lucky to have you. As am I. Hugs,Tootsie

My husband, my friend

2009-09-28T14:50:00.001-07:00

My post today is for my husband, Mr. Website Guy. MWG and I have had a bit of an emotional weekend. We've had some experiences that have exposed the raw pain of our infertility. I've cried A LOT and MWG has been somber. Lest you pity us, we just are having one of those moments. It will pass. Hope will rise above like a helium filled balloon. We just needed to feel sad and express it to one another.

I love my husband. He and I have grown closer these last few months. It's been wonderful! He is my friend. He is my strength. He is the other half of me. He has taught me what unconditional love feels like. He gives me hugs when I need them. He gives me words of comfort and counsel when I need them. He gives me adoration and attention when I need it. He loves me completely. To, you MWG, I want to say, I hope I am all this and more of what you want/need as a wife to you.

I'll miss you, sweetheart. I know my business trip will only be four short days, but I already count the days until I return to your arms and company. I excitedly await Friday afternoon when I exit the airport. Not only will I get to see you and kiss your wonderful lips, but we get to spend Conference weekend together! Ever since we've been married, these weekends have always been so great to spend with you. I look forward to this one to give us the bouy we need.

Hold up your chin, my dear husband. We will get through our infertile years together and be stronger and closer for it. We will get through the lonely nights of business trips, knowing that returning will be sweet. We will grow and learn throughout conference weekend and always and together we will become what our Father in Heaven asks us to be. I love you, my husband, my friend and I want nothing more than to be with you always as we endure, ever endure, to the end.

All my love, MWG. Only yours, Tootsie xoxoxoXOXOxoxoxo

Living Prophets

2009-09-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

I found my inspiration for a post. I've been reading from "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", this is scripture from living prophets. As a missionary in Albuquerque, New Mexico I often knocked on doors and shared this tract/pamphlet with anyone who wished to listen.

This proclamation is powerful! It feels me with a sense of purpose and urges me in my divine mission. I feel the Spirit of a loving Father in Heaven each time I read it. It adorns a wall in my home. It is living scripture.

I remember when it was first read to the women of the Church in a General Relief Society meeting in September 1995. It was awe inspiring to have such a profound proclamation about the family shared first with the women. Just a week later, it was shared in General Conference with all the church membership. It was an honor to be in both meetings as only two other proclamations have preceded this one.

Tonight, September 26, 2009, there is another General Relief Society meeting. I anticipate the wonderful feeling of sisterhood and of love and strength from the Governing body of the Church, our beloved prophet, and the men in the Quorum of Apostles. I am thankful to a God who continues to give us guidance and counsel through living prophets.

Something's missing

2009-09-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

I'm missing something these days. I'm missing the pleasure that comes from writing a piece for this blog that purges me of tired, worn feelings and fills me with happy, bright hopes. I'm too tired these days. I'll go searching for what I need to change so I can come back to the place in my heart that creates; the place that creates for this space. Wish me luck....

Family for Friends

2009-08-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

I just had a nice visit with my big little brother and his wonderful wife. I call him my big little brother because he's much taller than me and I look up to him more than just vertically. Anyway, his wonderful wife (WW) hasn't been using her car and since my car was recently in the shop she let me borrow hers.

This was great! I'd planned on renting a car and so WW saved me money! Anyway, when my boss asked how I was getting to work, I told him my sister-in-law was loaning me hers. To which he replied, "It's nice to have a big family isn't it?" To him and to all of you readers, I respond with a hearty, "YES!"

I'm glad that we can laugh, joke, cry, strategize and fully enjoy one another, not only as family but as friends. My parent's had six children in seven years. We moved around a lot in my childhood. We always knew that we weren't alone at a new school. We had sibilings who were our first friends everywhere we went.

Now that we are all adults and have married stellar mates, we continue to enjoy great companionship and communication. I'm blessed to have my family be my friends. I can count my sibilings and their wonderful spouses to be there when I need someone. Thanks LBB and WW for helping us out with the car, but more importantly; thanks for the friendship!

It's in the fine print

2009-08-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

You know when you assume something it usually makes a mess? Well, Aunt Tootsie made a mess, sort of.

Swimming with BB and his adorable children I noticed the toddler get out of the pool and make a motion that said, "I gotta go!"
So, I told BB, "Hey, I think "kiddo" needs to go pee."
To which, BB says, to my darling nephew. "Hey, you gotta go? Go in the rocks."

Well, that's all fine and dandy for little boys and big boys. This little boy said, "No."

Daddy again, says go in the rocks. Well, a little bit later, Aunt Tootsie walks over near "kiddo" and sees something other than a puddle. After some questioning, we find out that my nephew is quite obedient, he went in the rocks. :) Aunt Tootsie's not a good "mom" yet, I laughed which caused all the other kids to laugh. I gotta work on my poker face!

Well, no harm no foul, kiddo, made it into the house before getting into the pool.
Daddy told him to go in the rocks. But unfortunately, Aunt Tootsie led Daddy down the wrong path of thinking. I'd say, I got myself into some doo-doo.

I hope they'll let me come back.

(BB & AW, if you want this post to come down, I'll take it down, I don't want to leave any scars.)

Replacement Plan

2009-08-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

They (don't ask me who, I don't have a specific group,) say that to get rid of a bad habit you have to not just stop doing it, but replace it with something else, preferrably something better.

Well, I'm starting a replacement plan. I need to replace my unhealthy physical and spiritual lifestyles. I'm an emotional eater and that's got to stop! My head and my heart still feel like the trim, slim twenty-something of my college days, but those clothes on the sale rack below the size of 18 are telling me NO WAY, FATTY PIE! So, I'm going to replace my soda with water, if a sugar craving strikes, I'll try some juice, not much mind you. I'll replace my sugar (read candy, cookies, and more candy) cravings with a spoonful of honey. Seriously, have you ever tried to have more than one teaspoon full of honey. ACKKKK! It'll gag you, trust me, I know. Lastly, I'm going to replace my craving for Doritos and Lays Potato Chips with something crunchy yet low fat, like veggies or (cringe) rice cakes.

I've been tested for celiac disease, which runs in my family. I was 'borderline' yet my carb craving has always won out. Well, I'm going to try an experiment. This feels safer than just cutting it out, like the aforementioned atrocious habits that are being replaced. My experiment is going to be for 12 weeks. I'm going to eat gluten-free for 12 weeks and see if I don't feel better. I'll let you know how the gluten-free, sugar free effort goes. If it goes as well as my last attempt, seven years ago, I'll be on my way to becoming half the woman I am.

So, moving on to my Spiritual lifestyle changes. This is embarassing to admit but since this blog is for posterity, I won't sugar coat things. (What?! Did I hear something about sugar; Where?!) I've been terrible at daily scripture study and consistent daily personal prayers. It's not that I don't want to do it, it's that I haven't put the proper priority on it. I KNOW that I need to do it. I was a missionary for 18 months and saw the difference it makes in one's daily living. Yet, I've become lazy. Which is a lot of what's gotten me into my problem of being a HEAVYWEIGHT. Well, I'm shedding off the heavy coat of laziness! It's too hot in this place of Sunshine and Heat to be wearing that thing! If I don't shed it, I risk ending up eternally in a place of HEAT without the Sunshine! YIKES!

So, I'm going to replace my 15 minute snooze with 15 minutes of prayer and scripture reading. I'm also going to replace my 1 hour of loafing in the evening with pleasure reading or writing (actual books, not just blogging) and physical exercise. I'll report on this too, because I'm realizing that I need to be accountable.

My dear loving husband, Mr. Website Guy, is "body-blind" bless his heart. He doesn't care that I've grown and expanded in ways not so flattering. Well, I'm a lucky to woman to have a man who doesn't put me down or say mean things to me because I've failed to maintain my pre-wedding figure. But, you know that's exactly why he deserves to have a wife who wants to work hard to be that 'pretty, petite, pride and joy' on his arm. So, I'm going on a replacement plan! Do you have a replacement plan?

Speed Stacking, StoryTelling, Snacking

2009-08-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

The "Tootsie's Family" Reunion has been a HIT! Mr. Website Guy played softball, and has the scab on his knee to prove it. We've had good food (a feast for an army); the mountain of paper tableware has dwindled. We've played board games; circled the chairs for story time, and hiked and biked our way through the woods.

We've recalled old family stories and learned new ones from the newest additions to the family. There has been cute photos of grandchildren, silly photos of sibilings, and somber moments of honor at grandparents' gravesides. This is what a family reunion is about: reflecting on the past and learning of heritage, enjoying and loving the present and the sweetness of the moments, all the while making memories that will be remembered at future reunions. Too bad "Tootsie's Family" reunions only happen every three years. They are so WONDERFUL!

Tootsie's a hypocrite

2009-08-03T20:55:00.000-07:00

This post is lovingly dedicated to my wonderful husband. He has endured days of my badgering him when he couldn't wind down for a vacation. He's a workaholic. So am I. Well, this family reunion is our first vacation that I've actually cared about what was happening at work. I've checked my email and voice mail several times during the day. I've even been chided by my co-worker, CC, my co-coordinator. She said I need to 'Go vacation!' I'll try harder tomorrow to stay away from work. I am having a great time on this reunion, by the way. Thanks, CC, for taking care of things at the office. To, you, Mr. Website Guy, thank you for loving me and my crazy family. I love you! I'm so glad we are vacationing together! You are my favorite roadtrip buddy!

Blondies for a blondie from 3 blondies

2009-08-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

My three sweet nieces cleaned Aunt "Tootsie's" house this past week and they decided that perhaps some cookies were in order. They perused through my plethora of cookbooks and found a receipe for Blondies. They are like brownies, but without chocolate.

I came home from work and heard sweet little voices chatting on the other side of my entry door. Opening the door, I was greeted by the sight of three beautiful blondes and a wonderful scent coming from the oven. They were surprised! They had been working on a loving card and I caught them in the act.

After promising not to look and notice what they were up to, I was greeted with a warm pan of blondies and a note that said, "Blondies from 3 blondies. We love you." Well, I insisted that they partake of the yummy bars, so we all sat down, 4 blondies eating warm Blondies!

They even cleaned up the kitchen after making the treat. I enjoyed a warm treat, clean house and my favorite part, hugs and kisses from these three darlings. I wish coming home from work was ALWAYS this special!

Stress...it's a killer

2009-07-29T04:07:00.000-07:00

If you have ever watched Anastasia the animated film, there's a little bat that says to the evil villian, "Stress. It's a killer, sir. My cousin Izzy killed over mid mango." I love that line! It makes me laugh and sigh at the same time.

Stress is nature's way of telling you your alive and if you want to stay that way you better slow down, calm down and wise up. Well, I'm not figuring out how to do that very quickly these days. Which is why you, my wonderful readers, are the receipent of a 4:00 a.m. blog post. I wish I could say that this is the first morning I've been up this early, but no, I can't say that. However, I am sitting in the comfort of my home, in my pjs, because we have internet again! :) THAT's worth blogging about! Smile if you catch the irony here. :)

Okay, so back to my stress. It's everywhere but with my Mr. Website Guy and a few choice friends and family. For that I am MOST grateful! I can handle all the other stressors if I have my wonderful Mr. Website Guy and family and friends to support me. My number one support these last three weeks of minimal sleep, excessive stress, and countless tears has been and always will be my Savior, Jesus Christ. He's buoyed me up. He's blessed me with strength to continue on, and kept me awake when I've been too tired to drive, work, and socialize.

My number two strength of course, is that fine specimen of a man, M.W.G.. I love this man!!!! He knows that he is 2nd only to Jesus Christ and he's okay with that. M.W.G. has been a ROCK for me these past few weeks! He's like the MinuteMen of the Colonial era. Ever at the ready to support, defend, carry, and cheer. What do you say to love like that? I'm just so grateful. The words Thank You just don't seem adequate. But until I learn a better more pure language than the English I know, they'll have to do. Thank you and I love you, M.W.G. xoxxoXXOOoxox (Nacho Libre, anyone?) Hey, I know! I'll watch Nacho Libre with you M.W.G.. That's how I tell you I love you, huh? It's growing on me you know. ;)

To my stressors, I say, thanks for letting me know my mundane, easy going life just wasn't enough. Thanks for saving me the admission charge at the amusement parks, because I've been on a much more serious roller coaster ride with you. Lastly, I want to quote my grandfather-in-law with a minor edit. "Guests [I'll say stressors, here] are like fish, after a few days, they stink." That being the case, to my stressors I plead, "For the love of SLEEP, SAFETY, and SANITY, please, please GO AWAY!" I'm going to go crawl in bed next to that amazing man I married and see if I can't get a little bit more shut eye.

Holding Hands at 4 a.m.

2009-07-24T12:57:00.000-07:00

I awoke this morning with a start! The kind where you don't know where anything is, like the alarm clock that's blaring at you. Well, after franticaly looking for it, I realized...it was all in my dream. I was about a half hour early for my 4:55 a.m. alarm. With all the adrenaline how was I supposed to fall back to sleep? I stirred with agitation and debated whether to get up. I'd only slept for 4 hours!

Just as I was deciding that I'd get up, Mr. Website Guy, gently placed his hand on my arm and rubbed it. He could sense my frustration and was trying to calm me down. I reached for his hand and we interlaced our fingers. Have you ever held hands in bed? It's so peaceful. I whispered to him, "Are you awake?" He said, "Yeah, I've been awake for about 30 minutes." I asked him if he minded if I visited with him and we had a bit of a catching up session on what's been going on in my day-to-day work life. I love this man!

Last night, Mr. Website Guy came home late from working on a big project getting ready for demonstration today. After this long day, he wanted to do whatever I needed or wanted because he wanted to be with me. So, we drove to the church to copy off primary materials. I had left the invitation I needed and was berating myself when this wonderful man said, "I'll go get it." He went back home and retrieved my paperwork. Not a big deal to most people, but to me it was. I'd reached my stress limit and he was there to help me get through the challenge. I love that he loves me!

I thanked him profusely for serving me, for sacrificing his downtime to be with 'cranky' Tootsie. He said, "It's worth it, it makes you happy." Awww, this wonderful guy is so patient with me while I 'flip out' over little things and then he turns around and tells me he's enjoying himself because he's seeing to it that I'm happy. What ever did I do to deserve this wonderful man? He says, "you said yes to a very particular question." I love the love that we share.

So, I have a date with my man. I'm looking forward to visiting with him and telling him again, how much I love his doting attention. If you see us tonight, out on the town, we'll probably be holding hands.

Bummer to Blessing

2009-07-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Our internet died. Mr. Website Guy, was understandably bummed. I was too to some extent, given I needed it for a project I was working on. However, as the weekend progressed, the bummed out feeling subsided and a feeling of togetherness wrapped Mr. Website and His Tootsie up into each other. It was great! I love my husband! He's such a wonderful man! He looked stylin' in his new dress shoes! I'll try to post a photo of them. For those of you at our wedding, they look like those black/white wing tips he wore! Mr. Website Guy, you are so HANDSOME! I'm enjoying our 'internet-free' time together! I love you!

Little People = Large Love

2009-07-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm a one lucky, Aunt Tootsie! I get to have my BB and his awesome wife and six BEAUTIFUL children living just around the corner from me. Literally, around the corner. Our backyards touch in a diagonal corner of about 1 inch. Today Mr. Website and I watched the oldest four children while BB, AW (awesome wife), toddler and baby went to the other side of the world...errr, I mean the otherside of the valley to look at a house. :( It's sad for me, but I'll be very happy for them if they get to buy it. :)

We had a BLAST! Since I don't have the opportunity of motherhood just yet, I get to love on and spoil my nieces and nephews! As my sister-in-law, AW said, "What happens at Aunt "tootsie's" stays and Aunt "tootsie's". Yup, my house is a little bit of Vegas. Wanna know what kind of fun we had?

We played Monopoly, ate cookies BEFORE lunch, had yummy quesadillas for lunch, we made MORE cookies and then.....drum roll please....... Uncle Website loaded up Lego's Indiana Jones and Star Wars video games!!!!! Yaay!!! Can we say, SCORE!? These kids loved it! They got to play for quite a while until BB & AW (aka Dad and Mom) showed up. Then the kitchen timer came on and the 'time to come home' mandate was made. Not that it wasn't a very generous timer and lovingly called home, and yes, even necessary. I don't get to keep them forever, aw man, shoot! You know the addage, "All good things must come to an end." And, hearing these adorable children say, "Thanks Aunt 'tootsie' we had fun!" and watching them walk around the corner out of sight (as I called BB to make sure all his little ones made it home, yes, I'm paranoid) it just made my WHOLE WEEK.

So, when BB & AW find their permanent abode and I no longer have these children so close, I'll be sad. But hey, they know they get to have Aunt Tootsie and Uncle Website as babysitters, pretty much, anytime they want. :) I can't help myself! I love spoiling nieces and nephews! I'm glad that Mr. Website enjoyed himself too! He'll be a great father when lil miss toots or little man webbite decide to grace us with their presence. Until then, it's open season on spoiling and loving the other little people in our lives.

A shout out...

2009-07-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick shout out to my mom and dad. I LOVE YOU! THANKS for everything! I am so lucky to call you both friends. I treasure our relationship. I'm sending you a virtual hug. I can't wait to see you again! Have a sunny weekend! All my love, your daughter.

Scattering Sunshine

2009-07-10T06:10:00.000-07:00

There's a song in the LDS Hymn book by Lanta Wilson Smith called "Scatter Sunshine" and I LOVE it! Let me share it with you.

In a world where sorrow ever will be known,
Where are found the needy and the sad and lone,
How much joy and comfort you can all bestow,
If you scatter sunshine everywhere you go.

Slightest actions often meet the sorest needs,
For the world wants daily little kindly deeds.
Oh, what care and sorrow you may help remove,
With your songs and courage, sympathy and love.

When the days are gloomy, sing some happy song;
Meet the world's repining with a courage strong.
Go with faith undaunted thru the ills of life;
Scatter smiles and sunshine over its toil and strife.

Scatter sunshine all along your way.
Cheer and bless and brighten every passing day.

Don't you just feel happier having read that? I plan on scattering sunshine today! I know I should be doing it everyday and I hope I can resolve to do it better from now on.

I love the color yellow because it reminds me of sunshine. When I lived in the often dreary, gray Northwestern United States, my mom and sister painted my room a sunshine yellow! They even painted the ceiling! I loved waking up in that room! I now have a guest room dedicated to yellow sunshine and tropical, beach themes. I love taking mini-'staycations' in that room. Literally, mini, like 15-20 minutes when I'm in a bad mood. It's hard for me to stay mad while I'm basking in the sunny-ness and memories of that room.

Ah, enough nostalgia from me.... How about you? What do you like to do that brings sunshine to your soul? What can you do for others around you that will saturate them with the sunshine you are scattering? Let's get to work and scatter, scatter, scatter the SUNSHINE!

Have Miracles Ceased?

2009-07-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

No! I am a living, breathing testimony that Miracles still come from the God of the Universe. I could write a book on all the miracles that I have been privileged to experience in my lifetime.

This post though is on the sudden, unexpected miracle of healing. I have been praying all week that my ankle would be made whole. Tonight, I was out Visiting Teaching and sometime during our second visit with a sister, I felt something in my ankle change. I really don't have words to describe it. I moved my foot around in wonder. When I went to leave, I realized that I could walk without pain! Hallelujah!!!! Can you hear the singing choir?!?

I know God hears and answers prayers! I also know that His timing is perfect; ours is not. It's been a learning experience for me. I've had a small glimpse of what it would be like to be confined to a wheelchair. I know the frustration of not being able to park close enough to your destination. The PAIN of constant pain. I have a reverence and respect for those brave souls who endure and indeed thrive despite these huge obstacles.

Just as Garth Brooks says in a song, "sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers;" I too, thank God for the understanding I've been privileged to receive.

God be Thanked for HIS matchless Love.

Taken for Granted

2009-06-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

You know those muscles and bones that you never think about UNTIL. . . That's right, until you hurt them and they LOUDLY declare their position within your body.

OUCH! I hate when I push myself too hard and those obscure, glad-their-there, albeit, out of sight out of mind body parts start whinnnnnning.

Well, that's what happened to yours truly. My best day of drag racing ended abruptly when I over exerted myself at just the right wrong moment. On the downhill. In a BAD pair of shoes. Oops! Can I get a rewind on that? Please?

This little bone, or ligament or whatever it is in my foot is talking to me. And I have to listen because if I don't, then the temper tantrum begins and things get harder and harder to negotiate. Then you find yourself like the bedraggled mother in the store flinging candy and toys at her unruly children in an attempt to just SILENCE the wailing and tugging and crying.

Hopefully, I can settle the matter rather quickly with sound medical advice, a little x-ray help, and a bit of rest. That doesn't mean the exercise doesn't continue. No, just because Drag racing is out for a bit, there's always the slow torture of crunches, lunges, and push-ups. See you at dawn.

Attitude Determines Altitude

2009-06-20T09:23:00.001-07:00

My high school english teacher had a poster in her room that said, "Attitude Determines Altitude," cliche I know, but so true!

I've decided that the 'cryptic' happenings in my life would be much easier to deal with if I first dealt with myself. I need to change my attitude. I want to be happier, more content, more loving. So, I have to do before I can be.

My attitude of...

- things don't change will now be what can I contribute to make it different.

- the words always or never will be replaced with more truthful expressions. Always and Never suck HOPE out of daily living.

- I've tried everything I can (so, now I'm giving up) will be replaced by I want this very badly. I will do what I must to make it happen.

- I'm putting out more than I'm getting will be replaced by acknowledgement of what I am given and less on what I'm giving.

What kind of attitude changes in your way of being would improve your altitude?

1 step forward 2 steps backward

2009-06-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life feels like you're the wrong way on an escalator. You're working at trying to get to the "ideal" and then drama happens. Emotions run rampant. The wrong words whiz around like mortar shells hitting targets and bystanders alike. Chaos. The effort to keep moving up the ever decending steps is tough! But....it is possible to beat the cycle of resistence.

We've all seen someone do it or actually done it ourselves, fight the escalator and get past the negative pull. Physically, I can do it. Emotionally, it's much, much more difficult for me to do. I'm determined to be stronger this time around. I'm going to succeed. I have to succeed.

You may feel like I've been overly cryptic in my posts of late. I don't mean to be elusive. It's just that sometimes it's easier to accept a thing when we put a different spin on it. I'm working hard on some tough emotional stuff right now, I need a spin doctor to work some magic.

Until I find the right combinations of resolutions, durations, and patience I have to angle things a bit. Hang in there, dear reader, Tootsie is going to keep on keeping on! One day soon, I hope, I'll have more "things of good report" to write about.

When words just won't do

2009-06-16T21:59:00.001-07:00

As a wordsmith I feel I have a good grasp of how to convey a message through vocal or written word. However, there are times when words just won't do. They complicate things. They muddy the water. Today, I had an experience where something besides words was necessary.

God gave us one mouth and two ears. Think maybe He wanted us to do more listening than talking? I listened today. Then I thought. Then I prayed. I prayed that Heavenly Father would tenderly and in His Almighty Way handle the subject.

It was a wrestle with God. I was entrusted to privileged information and vowed to share it with no one. I shared it with God. I asked Him to hold it for me. I am too afraid that without His help, I will screw things up! God allowed my heart to ache for my loved one. He allowed me to cry for this soulmate of mine. Then He brought peace into my heart, into my soul.

I know He will take care of my friend. I KNOW He will! I know that I can go to Him and ask for guidance as I support my loved one. I will go to Him because this is definitely a time I need Him to guide me. His guidance of my words and actions is necessary, for my words just won't do.

To my friend, I have asked Heavenly Father to carry this burden for me. His willingness to do this allows me to continue to offer my love, support and my two ears, two arms for hugs, too. I love you. I always will. I am here for you. Most of all, He loves you, always will and He will never fail you. Seek Him, Follow Him, and Trust Him.

Man vs. Machine

2009-06-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

My brother and I went running this morning. Big brother, BB, helped me go about a mile today. Considering I can't remember the last time I exercised, that's pretty good! He has this plan. I think this is a plan I can live with for a bit.

BB says that if we run for 30 seconds and then abruptly stop and try to lower our heart rate with deep breaths for 30 seconds, we will work harder and burn more fat. He had a good analogy I want to share. Two women were out walking, sharing the road with us. He said they were like cars on the interstate. They have a constant speed and go for the long haul. This is most fuel efficient, doesn't wear and tear on a vehicle as much as say..... DRAG RACING.

Yes, BB, said that our running, stopping routine was like a car drag racing. We burn up fuel going fast and then stopping. We still go the distance of the interstate walkers, it just takes more energy getting there. To quote, BB, "unlike a car that will eventually break down under these conditions, our bodies break down only to become stronger."

Well, it was something like that. It sounded better when BB said it at 5:30 a.m. as I was huffing and puffing on a 30 second break. It was either the awesomeness of the phrase or the enormous exertion that caused me to see stars. No, really, I was seeing stars before we finished! Yikes, I have a loooooonnnnnnnggggggg way to go. Every journey begins with a single step. My journey began at dawn.

It felt good to be outside when the mercury is below 90, the sun new in the sky. I'm off to bed so I can greet the morning sun. I want to welcome in the new day... drag racing style!

Sunny Saturdays & Sundays

2009-06-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Working in a windowless office 8-10 hours a day, five days a week means limited enjoyment of the sun. Basically, I get outside to enjoy the sun at lunch when I need to thaw out from the 'icebox' I call an office.

Then, I drive home as the sun dips in the western horizon and get to work on dinner, errands, and unwinding. Before long, the sky has dimmed and darkness envelopes the warm sky. It is nice to go out in the dark and feel the warm air. But few things compare to feeling the warm air, while looking at a clear blue sky and all things alight and bright from the sunshine.

This is why I love Saturdays and Sundays. I selfishly sleep in on these days, just so I can see the golden rays in my bedroom while I'm snuggled warmly in bed next to Mr. Website. I love those moments! I have all day to be out in the sunshine, whether it's working in the yard, going to a park, or walking to church on Sunday morning.

I can enjoy the sun, of course I have to have the SPF protection, with it's warm sunshiny rays on my skin. I love where I live! I moved here from a rainy spot of God's green earth solely for the arid, sun- parched earth, with beaming skys. I enjoy 300+ days of sunshine per rotation around the sun!

I gotta run! The weekend sunshine is calling me....

Something to Snuggle

2009-06-12T20:18:00.001-07:00

My brother and sister-in-law are in town and tonight I watched their eight month old baby boy. All was great after they left to go to dinner. We played with a toy, rolled around on the floor and I sang primary songs to him.

Well, that all abruptly came to a halt. The crying began. I started going through all the usual things like food, diaper, snuggling with a bottle, walking/bouncing trying to soothe his wailing.

I am very rusty at motherhood. I've never actually been a mother; but I nannied my sister's two little ones for nearly a year. I feel like I know what to do. Well, I did, anyway.

Tonight I realized something. Mothers really do have a keen knowledge of their baby and baby's needs. Mothers don't get an owners manual with the delivery of their offspring. No, they have to learn it, hone the skill, and tweak it with each child. It is a craft. An art that must be practiced. A skill that takes perfecting. I have a goal now. To rediscover the art of mothering within me.

I believe that women are innately given a gift of nurturing, soothing, and caring. Some women shun it, others embrace it early on, some stumble onto in the beginning stages of motherhood. I was given an opportunity to practice with my sister's two kids. It's just been too long and I lost my skill. I guess you could say, I'm a little wobbly on the 'baby' bicycle.

You may be wondering how I calmed down my nephew enough to have this epiphany. My sister in law had wisely left out his 'blankey' for me to use. I spotted it, grabbed it, and held it close to my temporary ward. He grabbed on, snuggled it, and calmed right down, quickly falling fast asleep. While I held this sleeping infant in my arms, his little body still 'hiccupping' the sobs, I thought about the blanket.

That's when the epiphany came.

Aren't 'blankeys' just the best?

We both found something to snuggle.

Power of Words

2009-06-10T17:29:00.001-07:00

Today I've been thinking more than talking. I can't seem to find the right words to express what's in my heart. Words really are powerful! With a word one can share truth, love, wisdom. Like a double-edged sword, words can cut, sting, and injure. I want to identify some of the most powerful phrases in my dialogue.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you. I need you.

Will you help me? Can I help you?

Thank you. You are welcome.

Simple words. Words we try to teach children, as we teach them 'manners'. Really, though, isn't it the power of the simple word that moves people to love, trust, learn and endure?

I think so.

What powerful phrases are in your dialogue?

Acrostically Speaking

2009-06-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

Irritating. Oh, so irritating!

Nerve racking, on my last nerve...

Sleep depriving. Oxymoronic exhausted restlessness!

Ornery... Comes most inconveniently.

Mind numbing, dreadful, dreadfully dreadful!

Nap Inducing. Only the NEXT day.

Inconsistent. See Ornery.

Awake. Why am I still awake!?!

This acrostic prose is dedicated to all the fellow fatigue friends within insomnia's grasp. May you know that as you sit reading this in the dark a.m. hours, there are others who, like you, suffer for want of elusive, somnolent dreams.

My insomniac friends, I sincerely wish for you sweet slumber, delicious dreams and zealous zzzzzzzzzz's.

Keeping things alive

2009-06-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

I have plants, flowers and trees that I try to keep alive. I live in desert country and it isn't an easy job keeping things green and flourishing. I realized shortly after marriage when pregnancy was elusive that I wanted to have something to nurture.

So, I started growing a green thumb.

It isn't green yet. It's like a bluish purple.

My plants struggle to survive. The trees wilt. My flowers shine in all their beauty for as long as they can and then succumb to lifeless, limp leavage awaiting the mulch pile.

I mourn each loss. Especially the garden I tried to grow last fall. THAT was SAD!

It's pitiful going to the nursery and picking out my new adoptees knowing that they may very likely end up being my next gardening victims.

But, alas, I plant, err... press, on.

UV Protection 100

2009-06-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

Skin cancer runs in the family. I've already had some removed. I really should stay out of the sun. It's just so hard to do. I love the sun! I need the sun! But in order to be out enjoying the sun and the lovely heat rays on my skin, I have to be protected.

I bought a product that has a SPF rating of 100. Too bad it only comes in a small tube. I would love to have a vat of it to swim in so I could lay on a float in the pool and relive the good ol' days of summer swim siestas. A good book, acool drink, sunglasses, and the floating sensation in the cool, clorinated water. No, now as a 30 something, I have to be worried about the sun and the effects of exposure on my skin.

So, I don't take the book, I swim laps, and I avoid the 11am-2pm times so as to avoid the most potent rays. It's the grown up version of summer swim siestas. Every summer I understand just a little more what all the adults in my childhood were murmuring about the 'good ol'days of lazy summers'.

Aughhhh, to be a kid again!

Word Junkie

2009-06-04T22:24:00.001-07:00

I'm a word junkie!

It's true, I love words. I love books. I love to read. I love to WRITE. There's something amazing about taking words that are in your head and heart and putting them out for others to see. Sure, one can talk while others listen; though, the written word is lasting, solid, available for re-veiwing.

I have a collection of dictionaries. It's true. I own about 10 of them now and I want to keep adding to my plethora of lexicons. Why? I want one in every room and several in my library. Yes, I have a room lined with books and I call it the library.

In college, my roommates laughed when I kept a paperback dictionary in my kitchen cupboard. Well, how many times did I come home to find it on the kitchen table next to someone else's homework. Who's laughing now?!? Yes, even the kitchen needs a dictionary!

Mr. Website bought me an electronic handheld game that has only word games on it! I LOVE IT! It's really hard for me to put it down. What's the 12 step program look like for a recovering word junkie? You know what? I don't want to know. I rather like my addiction.

Tears

2009-06-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today there were tears. Too many tears. The kind of tears that lead to puffy eyelids in the morning.

Sometimes tears are good. The good tears are the ones that express happiness, relief. The best kind of 'good tears' are the ones that 'wash' away pain, give voice to those feelings thicker than words. You know the ones I mean, the feeelings that get stuck somewhere between your heart and your head.

Then there are the tough tears. These are the ones that don't bring answers, relief and only speak of saddness. You know the ones that come after a pain, physical or emotional. These tears can be confusing, frustrating, down right messy. It's usually these tears that flow like busted waterworks. They don't just go away, you have to get to the root of the problem, maul it over in your mind, find a place to put it.

My tears were the latter; however, I found a place for my problem. I'm taking it to God. He knows how much I want to love and be loved. So, I'm giving it all to God. He will give me the experiences He wants me to have and I will ask Him to help me carry on with what I am given.

My eyes are dry. My heart is light knowing that I sincerely tried to love and be loved today. It's time to put this tired body, weary mind, and tender heart to bed. I'll be crossing my fingers that the puffy eyes don't find me.

Daughter of God

2009-06-03T13:21:00.001-07:00

It is my theological belief that my spirit is a literal offspring of God, and as such I am a daughter of God. He is my Heavenly Father. Without my spirit my body would only be a cold, lifeless shell. So, my life, comes from God. My parents gave me my physical body, God gives me my life.

Last night, I met with some sisters in my ward. We do this each month. We call it Visiting Teaching. Well, the spiritual devotional message was on prayer. I love this topic of the gospel. It's more an action of gospel living. Think about. Prayer is so simple a child can do it, yet there is such power and magnificience in prayer.

God hears prayers. God answers prayers. God loves those who come to Him in faith. How do I know this? God has heard my prayers and given me peace, answers, and comfort. This strengthens my faith, leading to more prayer; more prayer leads to more blessings. That's the overwhelmingly beautiful thing about Heavenly Father, you can never get ahead! Just when you think, I've repaid Him for all the blessings He has given me, He gives more.

These blessings come in various sizes, packages, and ways. You see, it's not all sunshine and roses, but with God hearing and answering prayers, He gives me shelter in the rain and understands when the thorny thickets hurt my flesh. I know that God isn't giving me the special treatment. He does this with all of His children. All who live on this earth or who have ever lived are His children. He loves all His children, even those who don't know Him, or worse, don't love Him.

God strengthens me. My faith. My sense of worth. My desire to love. All because He first loved me. God be thanked for His matchless love.

Tired Footsies

2009-06-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

Little Mrs. Tootsie went shopping today.

Nothing really amazing about it. Except that I was wearing high heeled shoes. Now, I haven't worn these foot torturing devices outside of church and special occassions for the past 2 years. It's really brutal walking around in them!

Soon, I'll be re-entering the professional workplace. This means dress shoes. Now, being that I'm a 30-something woman, I hang on to the notion that sensible shoes are B-O-R-I-N-G.

No, when I want to look professional or sharp, I go for the stylin' and profilin' footwear. Well, vanity has it's price; in this case, it cost sore feet!

Mr. Website will be happy I was wearing these foot foes. Why? Less shopping = More $$$ saved.

Dots and Stripes

2009-06-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

Last Christmas, my sibling family decided to do a 'homemade' christmas exchange. I had a niece and nephew to give to. They live far from me and in an effort to be their favorite "Aunt Tootsie". I decided to make them personalized stationery boxes. You know, the gift that keeps on giving, especially to Aunt Tootsie's mailbox.

I found unfinished wood photo boxes at the craft store. With a little paint and a lot of paper, stamps, and envelopes, they soon morphed into personalized stationery boxes! Then I thought, why not do this for each of my nieces and nephews? So, the birthday gift of 2009 was born!

The boys get striped boxes with lots of boy themed stationery. The girls get polka dotted boxes with girly themed stationery. It's been fun to get letters in the mail written in children's handwriting. I love sending letters filled with loving words and humorous jokes back to these precious kids.

I am a lucky woman! I get to be a pen pal to 13 nieces and nephews!

Mr. Website

2009-05-31T22:05:00.000-07:00

When I met my husband, he introduced himself as the "website guy" of our young single adult ward. This normally shy guy butted right in on another guy's conversation with me. He had served a mission for our church in Seattle, WA and when I mentioned that I had just moved from Seattle, he wanted to talk to me. So, I gave him my email address so that I could be notified of all the activities going on. Well, before our three hour block of church was over, he had my phone number.

Once upon a time I was engaged to a guy with the same surname as my husband's (no relation). Well, after we had been out on a few dates, I asked him what his last name was. His reply stopped me in my tracks. I hadn't wanted to mention this ex-engagement so soon after meeting him. I said, "I use to date a guy with that name." To which he replied, "Oh, you got a thing for (surname)." I bluntly and tactlessly said, "no." Then the story came out.

Luckily for Mr. Website, I wasn't going to stop seeing him on a minor technicality like a name.

Luckily for me, neither was Mr. Website.

Tootsie's Twin?

2009-05-31T02:30:00.000-07:00

My sister and I look a lot alike. Growing up people would ask, "Are you twins?" I'd excitedly reply, "YES" while my sister would reply, "no". Perhaps, it was the confused look on people's faces that most encouraged my pervericating way. Sadly, no, we are not twins. I truly wish we had been. Alas, now that were grown, I love that we are FRIENDS! Here's to the next five decades of friendship, sistaroo.

Traveling Tootsie

2009-05-30T14:58:00.000-07:00

So, my Website Guy, (read husband) nicknamed me Tootsie shortly after we married. I don't even remember why or how that came to be, but it did and it is.

I love traveling with Mr. Website. "Why?", you ask. Well, because he does a very good job of keeping me on the happy side of things. Believe me, anyone who knows me well, knows that I can carry quite the MOOD. So, on our honeymoon, "GRUMPY FACE" was born. Yup, by the end of the week, I was no longer the Bubbly Bride, I was just the Grumpy Girl with a Groom.

But, alas, my handsome husband, didn't want the honeymoon hangover to hamper the start of our nuptials, so he said, smiling at me and using a voice I can't help but laugh at,

"Grummmpy faaace."

I had a choice. I wanted to stay mad, but I wanted to laugh and hug and kiss him for handling my mood so well. Well, the smiles and laughter prevailed.

So, here's picture of Grummpy Faaace.

Life is a role-a-coaster

2009-05-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this blog for my posterity and anyone interested in following it. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I believe in following "the admonition of Paul -- if there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy, [I] seek after these things."

I was inspired by my sister-in-law to keep a record of my blessings and personal history for the benefit of others, primarily, my children and grandchildren. I intend to contribute to things worth "seeking after," since I've enjoyed many blogs that are worth seeking.

This blog is about roles and the roles that I play in life. I'm a wife, a daughter, a sister, a niece, and a friend. I know what you are thinking, 'You're writing for posterity, yet no mention of mother.' Yes, it's true, I, at this moment, can only hope for the day I get to add another role to my list. But why delay the time of telling my story.

Sit back, relax and enjoy!